A Load of Things Harry Maguire Is Probably Saying in This Photo

Yeah, so we'd usually provide you with a 300 word preamble here, but to be honest this post does what it says on the tin. Thanks Kyle Walker for the meme, thanks Harry Maguire for his gorgeous big head and its gorgeous big goal, thanks us for the jokes:

"Here love, do you like headers?"

"I'm a Pisces, yeah. According to compatible-astrology.com we're 'Powerfully emotional, intuitive, creative and caring.' Pretty great, really. Haha anyway, do you like Drake?"

"Yeah, nobody knows why, it has always just been this square."

"Yeah, doctors used to tell my mum, 'He'll grow into it,' but honestly it took a long time to catch up. In Year 11 I was still wearing trousers from the kids' section of BHS but had the skull of Robert Wadlow. I looked like that lad out of Minecraft."

"Breeding dogs is more complicated that just making dogs rut. You need to pick the right dogs, and make them rut at the right time. I've put more thermometers up a dog's whoop than you've had hot dinners."

"Obviously Georgia's a sort, but it's like New Jack said, getting to know someone is the true test of their attractiveness, get what I mean? Besides, I'm really into Josh and Kaz at the minute, their love is so pure. Totally ship those two."

"My ideal dinner? Probably Nando's wing roulette."

"No it's fun, come down. Loads of lads, loads of good chat. Always looking for female members. They say craft ale is just for dads, but we properly have a laugh. Do you know what a hop is? Get your phone out, google 'hops'."

"Favourite film? Probably Fight Club. Book? Fight Club, by Chuck Palahniuk. My favourite album? Fight Club – Original Soundtrack, 1999."

"If you put it in vinegar first then bake it, it goes hard. That's just Conker 101."

"Are any other parts of my anatomy noticeably large and alarmingly square? Heh: buy me a drink first, babe."

"I know it sounds like pyramid selling—"

"It's so good, it's this meme. You know memes? Yeah, well it's this thing where people put 'It's coming home' in different scenes of films and stuff. You know, because football's coming home? There's a Planet of the Apes one and everything. Do you want to see? Hold on a sec."

"Yeah, really looking forward to the next match actually. I'm allowed a 20 nugget meal if I score again, so should be good."

"What you using, 50 mil? For a heavy mirror like that you want to use 65mm or above. Rawlplug? Shouldn't need it. Shouldn't need it. It's all about grip on the wall. With the right screw you shouldn’t need any additional grip. You got a Screwfix by you? Where are you, Leyton? Should be a Screwfix by you."

"It's fascinating, really – with two resignations in such quick succession it really puts a question mark over the sort of Brexit May will really be able to achieve. And if she resigns, too, the ensuing leadership contest will be extremely uninspiring – we could end up with Jacob Rees-Mogg as PM before the summer's out."

@joelgolby / @hiyalauren

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