Question of the Day: Should Being in a Relationship Change Who You 'Like' on Facebook?

When you're in a relationship, conducting yourself on social media is a potential minefield. It's universally acknowledged that a direct message on Instagram or a Facebook like can become a gateway to envy-hell.

Our hookup culture has often been attributed to the digital age. But once you're safely coupled up, what's the deal when it comes to liking someone's hot bikini selfie? Is your lover's Instagram profile something you need to keep tabs on—or a tab you need to keep open—at all times?

We asked young Aucklanders about navigating social media etiquette when you're dating, exclusively.

Isabelle (left), 22

VICE: Hey Isabelle, how would you feel if your boyfriend liked a hot selfie of another girl?
Isabelle: Oh I'd totally be like, "Who the fuck is this bitch?" I wouldn't say it to him though, I would just bitch around with my girls about it. Like, "Fuck it, my stomach is flatter than hers," and "She can't draw her eyebrows." That's how we do.

What's the most psycho thing you've done on social media? Do you ever troll through someone's followers?
Always! We'll go through followers' followers' followers. We're such stalkers. I always find people by scrolling likes on a post.

Do you look to see who he's following?
Oh definitely, especially if I need to find someone in particular. Yes definitely.

Does it go the same way for you? Would you understand your boyfriend being upset if you were following a hot guy?
No, it's okay when I do it because we don't look sleazy. But if he's liking pictures of girls it makes him look gross. If he's screen-shotting other girls and sending it to his group chat or something, that's not all good.

George, 20

Hey George, can you describe to me social media etiquette when you're in a relationship?
Window shopping is fine, but buying something is not okay. When you're in a relationship you're still going to jerk off to porn.

But this is what I find strange. Why physically like it and risk getting in trouble rather than just appreciating and moving on? Why do guys have to double tap their approval?
Actually yeah, that's definitely a thing. I think guys like to keep tabs on lots of things, like keeping your options open, or a safety net. Like they know you're keen because you like their Instagram photo. So you're right, maybe it's just best not to.

If you were dating someone, would you ever go through who they're following, or who has liked their photos?
No. I feel like it's a breach of privacy, almost? It's especially hard in gay relationships. Gay guys have a lot of gay friends. One like could be read a thousand different ways.

(From left) Mitch, 22, Vanessa, 24

Hey guys, what constitutes bad online behaviour when you're in a relationship?
Vanessa: I mean if he's liking a photo of some chick that he knows but I don't, I would totally stalk her out like, "Who is this bitch?" When we were dating I totally would go through his posts and see who would like it. Just like so many hoes what?!
Mitch: Yeah I get that, especially if it's repetitive likes.
Vanessa: Yeah I wouldn't say anything though.

You wouldn't say anything to avoid looking crazy?
Vanessa: Pretty much.

Is she liking a photo of a topless guy, the same as you liking a photo of a girl in a bikini?
Mitch: Yeah I'd get annoyed.
Vanessa: I'd totally get annoyed! I'd be like, "Why don't you just date them?"

What about DMing someone?
Vanessa: You're going to need a purpose if you're starting a convo. Like need something from her. Like links aren't okay.

Links?
Vanessa: You know YouTube links. Like sending a song.
Mitch to Vanessa: Yeah but what if it's a girl who's your friend?
Vanessa to Mitch: Oh that's all good, if it's like Brigitte or Sophie. But if it was like Emily…
Mitch to Vanessa: Oh yeah totally I would never, not Emily!

Who's Emily?
Vanessa: A girl we went to school with, we won't say anymore.

Follow Beatrice on Twitter.