The A-Z of Festivals

Festivals are a big effort—borrowing a tent, trekking there, looking out for your mates—but if you play your cards right, it's all worth it. To tackle a festival, you've basically got to be a modern-day Indiana Jones. Except you probably can't use a whip to save your life. Also, those movies are really racist in hindsight. Festivals, like people, come in all different shapes and sizes. But from the biggest to the smallest—that's 'boutique' in PR speak—there are a few things they've all got in common. Here's everything to expect. Arrival Depending on what kind of festival you're going to, the biggest challenge on arrival will be the power-tripping security at the gates, or rocking up so late you have to set up your tent in the dark. Time this well. Bangers That's what we're all there for, right? Even if it's not an EDM festival, every genre's full of a few classics. Personally, I think Dolly Parton's 'Jolene' is the original banger and if there's a festival where she's on the bill, you should go. Campsite

You've gone all in. You're not just going to a one-day festival at your city's showground, you've committed to a night or three in a field somewhere. Your campsite will be your home now, so make sure it's a good one. But not so good you become that person that doesn't see a single act at the festival because they've chilled at the campsite for three days straight. Dance You know that phrase "dance like nobody's watching"? It's not just a naff saying on your Aunt's Pinterest; those are words to live by.

Energy Like Drake says, "I got enemies, got a lot of enemies/Got a lot of people tryna drain me of this energy." In this case, you will be your own enemy, because your drive to stay up til sunrise will drain you of your energy. That's cool, it's what festivals are for. Just make sure you don't hit 0%–a power nap will get you charged up. Friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend "Have I seen you around before?" "Don't think so." "Nah man! I'm sure I have!" You will have this conversation at least once. It will take at least fifteen minutes to escape. Games Festivals are a great place to remember that playing cards with friends is actually much more entertaining than watching Ten Most Mysterious Google Earth Sightings on YouTube by yourself, which is probably what you'd be doing if you weren't at this festival. Big Two and Bullshit are our recommendations.

Heart-to-heart It's three in the morning, you're walking back to your tent, and you've got to tell your mate how much you love them, because it's a whole lot. You'll definitely have a few of these conversations, and they'll definitely end with, "We should hang more." Make an effort to actually follow through. Juice We don't mean OJ. We're reminding you that there will not be power outlets at this festival, and your phone will die within the first two hours if you don't come prepared. Get one of those portable chargers, and make sure your friends get them so they're not scabbing yours. Kissing If you find a nice person at the festival who wants to do this with you, you should.

Losing Your Mates

This will happen, so try to set an HQ where you can find each other if you get separated. Calling this place HQ will make you feel less like a lost husband turning themselves into mall concierge to find their wives, even though that's basically who you've become.

Merch

You don't need it.

Nourishment Music might be food for the soul, but that's not going to stop you passing out on day two because all you've eaten is a muesli bar. Outdoor Peeing This is an inevitability, and a liberating one at that. As long as you bring toilet paper, and make sure you've picked a secluded spot, this task will be a breeze. Photos There's a fine line between tastefully documenting your experience for posterity and blocking five people's view by holding up an iPad to record an entire set. Take photos of your mates, who you can actually capture nice images of, instead of wasting time grabbing blurry images of musicians who are being photographed by professionals anyway.

Queue These unfortunate festival staples can be turned from a time drain to a bonding opportunity with the help of a pal, a glass-half-full attitude and a literal glass half full. Reception You won't have it, and that's probably for the best. Go talk to your friends.

Sunglasses The sun is out to get you. No matter how hard you try, some part of you will get burnt. But your parents would be so mad if you didn't at least make an effort to lessen the damage. Wear sunnies and wear sunscreen. Also wear a cool hat that offers no sun protection but looks sick.

Trust Fund Hippies They're most at home at doofs, but a handful of these guys manage to infiltrate every festival, no matter what. Their bare feet go great with their dreadlocks, which aren't culturally appropriative because they're "citizens of the world." Undies Think you'll need five pairs? Bring twenty. V-Neck Bros Put these guys right under Trust Fund Hippies on your list of people to avoid. Also: anyone with a bindi, vape pen or war bonnet, plus that guy wearing a shirt with the festival's name on it.

Walkie-talkies You'll keep your crew together and feel like spies. Plus, making up code names is the best. XX Remember the bit about bangers? You're going to need one for the way there, and we personally think that Jamie xx's 'I Know There's Gonna Be (Good Times)' is a certified hit for getting everyone in a good mood.

You Only Live Once This traditional atheistic proverb is a really good one to follow when at a festival. And that's not just our opinion. Zac Efron agrees so fervently he got a tattoo to prove it. Zero This number describes both the amount of money and energy you'll have at the end of a festival. But hey, like we said, play your cards right and it's all worth it. This article is presented in partnership with Captain Morgan.