Halifax Issues Official Report on the Donair, Confirms Bureaucrats Can Ruin Anything

Not sure what all the fuss is about. Photo via Halifax Original Donair.

Halifax city staffers say they don't have enough information to weigh in on whether or not donair should be the municipality's official food, confirming everyone's fears that using public funds to investigate the status of a saucy meat wrap is a GIANT WASTE OF TIME AND RESOURCES.

Citing a lack of "detailed staff analysis including consideration of supporting processes to identify and evaluate other official foods," the authors of a new report on donairs said they are unable to make a proper recommendation.

If councillors want, they can authorize Halifax Mayor Michael Savage to declare the donair the official food of Halifax, the report says.

At the height of the recent donair frenzy, Halifax Regional Council ordered city staff to research the possibility of granting the late-night food for drunks official status. At the time, councillors expressed concern that other cities like Edmonton could claim the donair as their own before Halifax was able to do so. Some also seemed to think officially linking the city to a mystery meat sandwich will boost tourism, though it is somewhat hard to believe that anyone outside of Halifax gives a shit about any of this.

In the midst of the excitement, local rapper Quake Matthews filmed a video for his donair-inspired single "Down with the King," in which everyone gets covered in sauce that quite frankly looks like jizz.

But the dryly-worded city report was less enthusiastic in its assessment of the donair situation, simply stating, "There is nothing to prevent Regional Council from recognizing the donair and drawing attention to it by directing the Mayor to make a proclamation declaring the donair the official food of Halifax." It also lists one alternative: "maintain status quo."

Reading between the lines a little bit, we think staffers are effectively telling council to make a decision so we can all shut the fuck up about these sweaty meat wraps.

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