People Tell Us What They Look for in a Partner in 6 Words

Generally speaking, putting people in boxes is discouraged. Being too judgemental is frowned upon. Having a set vision for your life can be considered boring and closed minded. But having an idea of your ideal romantic partner – someone you could end up with for months, years or potentially (and terrifyingly) “forever” –  actually isn’t a bad thing. 

Especially in a time when dating apps are a huge part of how we date. 

We don’t like to admit it, but most people have some sort of criteria: It could be a long list of things, or it could just be that you don’t want them to live in their parents rumpus room at 27 (which I did, no judgement.) They could be emotional, practical or physical expectations.  

“Physical type” is often treated like a dirty word, but being attracted to someone is important in a relationship. This can grow and change and develop, and sometimes go the wrong way as the bad personality of a once tasty snack renders them devoid of any physical appeal.  

Who they are as a person is undoubtedly most important though. No one wants a Greek God who thinks impoverished children should just “get out into the workforce”. We’re not telling you what to believe in – but they should treat you and others around you well, and if they don’t, ditch ‘em. 

So when it comes to traipsing through tinder or evaluating your potential irl dating partners, what is it that you’re looking for? A certain body, a beautiful face, a family man or wifey material? Is it a personality type or particular way of behaving? Is it about you or them? 

“A best friend!”

“Emotional intelligence, empathy, passion for something.”

“Doesn't see me as a project” 

“They feel like home to me.” 

“Someone who can expand my worldview.” 

“Hilarious, looks me in the eye.”

“Nice kissing, many laughs, positive influence.”

“Someone I can feel safe with.”

“Loves me for who I am.”

“Can change opinions with new information.”

“A soul connection.” 

“Committed, empathetic, hilarious, silly, adventurous, forgiving.”

“Romantic and platonic soulmates.” 

“We need to have compatible vibes.” 

“Self aware, kind, flexible, driven.” 

“Chaotic energy that’s challenging and stimulating.” 

“Passionate about changing the world.” 

“Barefoot boy vibes, wholesome and earthy.”

“Supportive and proud of me.”

“Smart, funny, charming, open-minded, affectionate.”

“Open minded, accepting, motivated, family orientated.” 

Somewhat surprisingly, physical features didn’t even make an appearance – although in 6 words, you’d be a bit shocked if that was a priority. An open-mind, accepting nature, shared sense of humour and a base of friendship seem to top the list of desirable qualities. 

Everyone is different – and no relationship is quite the same as another – so we can’t tell you to suddenly start acting adventurously or to start up your barefoot lifestyle in order to attract a mate. But it’s good to know what a healthy, happy partner looks like in other people's eyes. 

All that said, unless you're trying to attract a very specific partner, we think keep the shoes on. 

Own the Feels is brought to you by #LoveBetter, a campaign funded by the Ministry for Social Development.

LoveBetter Youthline support channels:

Email: lovebetter@youthline.co.nz

Or rangatahi can text lovebetter to 234

https://check.areyouok.org.nz/

Rachel Barker is a writer / producer at VICE NZ in Aotearoa. You can find her @rachellydiab on IG and Letterboxd and see her film criticism onYoutube.