FASHION WEEK BUSTS A GUT

Last week was men's fashion week in Milan and Paris. Look, it's a big deal, OK? Just because the paparazzi didn't have a Boomtown Brat Pack front row to shoot doesn't make it unimportant. Designers just have to bridge the interest gap by coming up with fresh and exciting new ways to make male models look hilarious. Consensus is that Milan's men's fashion week was pretty boring--all plucked eyebrows and orthopedic shoes. However, people did go nuts over American designer

Thom Browne's

show for

Moncler

--the ski-wear of choice for rich Italians. Browne had a soldiers' barracks, soldiers getting dressed, soldiers going out, and soldiers doing soldiery things in the snow. In Paris, everyone was talking about the Adam Kimmel show but only because all the models were wearing huge papier-mache masks that made them look like characters from a

George Condo

painting.

Elsewhere, Belgian super-bear (and probably the best fashion professor in the world)

Walter Van Bierendonk

continued being amazing. He was into avatars and rave 20 years ago and his logo includes his penis. His show featured Kalashnikov track pants and jet bomber jumpers. Also, his invite looked like a Taliban prayer mat.

Aitor Throup showed his

LEGS

project, which was a trousers-only. It was pretty similar to that thing

Terence Koh did at the Brooklyn Museum last November

, only you couldn't see his dick and the pants cost over $1000.

Finally, 27-year-old Romain Kremer's evidently throwing himself fully behind the "sci-fi gendarme" look. God how I wish people actually dressed like this.

DARYOUSH HAJ-NAJAFI