Help! I’m Obsessed With My Croots (Croc Boots)

Good morning, and yes, you can wear Croots and still get laid. What is a Croot, you may ask? At the most basic level, Croots, or “Neo Puff Lined Boots,” as they’re called in Crocs scripture, are a hybrid shoe from Crocs that combines the best design features from boots, Crocs, and your favorite puffer jacket in order to swaddle your feet in supreme comfort—or so I imagined after ogling them on Crocs’ website for a few weeks, and wondered if bringing a pair home would be worth the risk (filling my closet with more stuff I don’t need) for the potential reward  (winning friends and influencing people). So, I slept on it.

Luckily, love is patient. bell hooks said so! After a little more reflection, I realized how frequently I can’t decide between slip-on sneakers or boots; or how many times, during the rainy, semi-cold period between winter and spring, I never know what footwear is best for my always-freezing, anemic bones. If these Croots worked, they could fill a deep emotional void gaping functional hole in my life, outshining even my 2003 UGG boots (RIP) in utility and swag.  

The following are my honest notes on Crocs’ Neo Puff Lined “Croot” Boots after wearing them for over a month, from heel to toe and back again. 

Damn, these are lightweight was my first thought upon unboxing my Croots, which I ordered in white but come in several colorways, including this dreamy option that belongs on Duck Dynasty. The boot came up several inches above my calf, and its opening was wide enough to receive tucked-in trousers, and flexible enough to get tucked-in itself:

“Woah. It even has sport mode,” my coworker said upon noticing the classic Crocs back strap, which helps OG Crocs to stay on your feet, but is more of an aesthetic garnish for the Neo Puff boot, not unlike a spoiler on a Honda Element. 

I was expecting the shoe to feel comfortable, but I wasn’t expecting to be as smitten—sedated, even—by the faux fur lining when I slid my size 11 foot into the mouth of the Croot. The best, most non-sacrilegious comparison I can think of is when you come home after a long day, remember that you made your bed earlier, and proceed to be swaddled by its warm, comforting sateen sheets like a baby. The faux fur-lined innards of the Croot caressed my foot as I walked, while the sleeping bag-like material provided me with coziness and breathability. 

I wore my Croots to the bodega, and to the bar; I sported them at work, and out on a date that I actually didn’t want to self-sabotage. I already consider Crocs to be like the Maldon salt of footwear, and not just because they’re kind of edible. Once upon a time, these plasticine boats were one of the fugliest, most divisive pieces of footwear. Now, over 20 years since their founding, Crocs have both embraced and transcended their OG cringe factor to become an icon of normcore and haute fashion BB style. My Crocs go well with anything, but my Croots go especially great with any outfit that I want to bring to Y2K-music-video heights. Consider the day I wore them with an all-white outfit, and paired them with my rave-ready parachute pants. 

The outfit above made me feel like a hot silly goose, which is always my personal goal. Plus, it felt like a magic trick; not a sliver of light was visible between the top of my Croots and the cuff of my pants—the metaphorical implications of this were not lost on me. I wasn’t just wearing my Croots. I had spiritually fused with them.  

I kind of wish they were a little taller? I like this height. But I would also like some Crocs’ knee-grazer boots, please. 

One of my best worst qualities is my indecisiveness. Boots or Crocs? Sandals with socks, or without? If you are also this kind of person/sartorial nightmare, these Neo Puff Lined “Croot” Boots might be for you, because they have mastered the art of absolutely babying your feet with comfort (while also making them look really cool). 

Search your heart, and unsaddle it from convention. Therein you will find the truth: Croots aren’t just a good idea, they’re a lifestyle goal. 

Purchase the Classic Lined Neo Puff Boot at Crocs, Amazon, and Zappos. 

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