What's the Sexiest YouTube Video Titled 'MVI 0069'?

Spend enough time on the internet after drinking three cups of coffee while watching your disembodied brain swirl through the Technicolor pain vortex of a hangover, and you might find yourself wandering the nether regions of YouTube's forgotten, untitled gems.

For as much as we hear about toddlers learning to code, there are still a boatload of people out there who simply have no idea what they're doing with their gadgets. Search ".mov" on YouTube and you'll find a morass of lost videos that hordes of people seemingly uploaded straight from their cameras, perhaps shared on Facebook once, and then forgot about forever.

I'm guilty of this too. To be completely honest, I thought of making this list a couple weeks ago when trying to make a GIF. I have no idea how to make a GIF from source video, but sometimes you just need to loop a clip over and over. Instead of figuring it out, I uploaded a clip straight from a camera into YouTube, then used an online YouTube to GIF tool to make what I needed. Yes, I'm that lame. And yes, wade through a search of "MVI 0051" long enough and you'll find my video, which remains stored on YouTube's servers, and which will likely never been seen again.

But a simple search through YouTube's lost videos wouldn't really mean much on its own. To make a proper listicle, we need to frame our list around something, and a list of videos titled MVI 0051 simply isn't much of a peg. But MVI 0069? Sixty-nine is commonly-accepted as a funny number because it refers to sex stuff. What would be really funny is if someone, somewhere uploaded an uncut, video titled MVI 0069 to YouTube that's even tangentially sexual, and then forgot about it.

What are the odds of that happening? Read on to find out. To help gauge the videos' sexiness, I've deployed my trademarked Cool Heart rating system.

MVI 0069 — 10/8/13

This is just a guy/gal spinning in a slow circle to shoot a video of a pond. Not very sexy. But I could imagine walking down that nice boardwalk at sunset, so it gets 2/10 Cool Hearts.

MVI 0069 9/23/13

This guy talks about recording everything, invites you to come and see him, then blows a kiss. Damn, he's not horsing around. 5/10 Cool Hearts.

MVI 0069 11/11/12

The crowd is going wild for this singer, which is attractive in any language. 6/10 Cool Hearts.

MVI 0069 2/2/13

This is a rather impressive video of dog tricks, but you'd have to be a real sicko to find it steamy. 1/10 Cool Hearts because of the Pinocchio nose.

MVI 0069 8/1/11

Oooh, jets taxiing. Now that the Washington Monument's already built, there's no better phallic symbol for tycoons than a sleek private jet. I wonder how many pounds of thrust they have? 7/10 Cool Hearts.

MVI 0069 7/14/13

Ah look, an EDM festival. Bonuses for everyone partying and I'd argue night is sexier than day, but minus marks for being an EDM festival. 4/10 Cool Hearts.

MVI 0069 8/11/13

Goats eating are pretty hilarious to watch, and I suppose it's attractive to have a partner that can raise livestock, thus securing your food supply. 5/10 Cool Hearts.

MVI 0069 8/10/12

Eh, I guess some people find dudes playing music attractive, but the whole clip is out of focus, which is a huge mood-killer. 0/10 Cool Hearts.

MVI 0069 8/16/13

Wait, what have we here? A shirtless guy petting what looks like a mule? Holy hell, I think we've got a winner. 10/10 Cool Hearts + Vince McMahon

@derektmead