Dave Ortiz and the late Harold Hunter. Photos courtesy of Dave Ortiz
Dave Ortiz, owner of Dave's Wear House bike/skate shop in Little Italy, is a bonafide legend in the NYC skate scene and has been a staple of the Lower East Side for decades. As Zoo York's first employee back in 1993, Dave's hilarious and colorful antics—which included lots of pissing in public and unknowingly sharing a partner with Peter Frampton ("I don't know what Peter Frampton's dick tastes like!")—quickly earned him the nickname Crazy Dave. In recent years he's sobered up and mellowed out, but the stories remain hilarious.I caught up with Dave to discuss some of his crazier times, his new art show opening tomorrow, and his fallen friend/muse, Harold Hunter.VICE: As a New Yorker, is it tough sharing a name with a very famous Boston Red Sox player?
Dave Ortiz: Sometimes it's a drag, but this one time I stumbled into a Red Sox bar and had to show my ID to get in, and holy shit, you would have thought I really was Big Papi—drinks were flowing. That was the only time that ever happened, though.Tell me about your art show, Stir Crazy, opening tomorrow at Gallery Sensei over on Grand Street?
This art show is basically stuff I've done during the winter months. It all started with me learning a German word, schrecklich, which means terrible. See, sometimes you go to an art show and the work isn't for you, or you don't get it, and you're like, "Terrible!" I figured I'd beat you to the punch and call them all terrible… Well, only 13 of them are part of that series. The other stuff I made while cooped up in my studio going "stir crazy" this winter.The show is also a continuation of a TV show I just recently did with my friend Ryan Humphrey, called Flea Market Flip, where we had to battle these two stepmoms. We had to buy some crap at one flea market, then fix it up and flip it at another. It went well and I really liked working with Ryan, so when I was asked to do a solo show I was like, "can my homeboy be in it?" So we just put random stuff in this art show and are selling it. I have work as low as $150 up to $1000.How long have you been painting?
I started in the late 70s. It was graffiti that really opened me up. I would play tag or manhunt in the train tunnels and where they parked the trains and would see all this art all over the place and I wanted to do the same thing. I had a tag as a kid, "ZEIN," but then I got my ass kicked by this dude who wrote "ZEN." He felt it was too close and fucked me up, but oh well, that's how shit got handled back then.
Dave's studioYou're affectionately known as Crazy Dave. How did you earn the title?
Oh boy, Crazy Dave Stories… Well, first off, one time I told Jeff Pang that a friend of mine had invited us to Fire Island, which is the small beach community off of Long Island. I had been out all night drinking and convinced him to come with me. We took the LIRR and had to catch a ferry, and when we got to the boat, Pang was like, "Go to the bathroom because there won't be one on the boat." I was like, "Don't worry, there's a bathroom on the boat." To my surprise, there was not a bathroom on the boat. It was a 45-minute ride and I had to pee so bad that I asked Pang to cover me while I tried to pee out the window—oh, did I mention it was 9 AM and there were mad families and shit with kids on the boat?Anyway, Pang went off on me and we started arguing, and that kinda got my mind off of peeing, but once the boat started to pull into the dock I freaked out and jumped overboard, landing on the deck and running like a freak into a hotel. I ran past the front desk and went upstairs into a linen closet and pissed all over everything. The people at the front desk came upstairs and I made a mad dash out the door. So then I was on the run on an island, but the cops ended up catching me and I got arrested.Then, while I was in handcuffs and still fighting with Pang about how fucking crazy I am, the friend who I said invited us walked by and asked, "What's up? Why are you guys here?" I was caught again and Pang freaked out, "You lied to me! We aren't invited?! You fucking prick! I hate you!"Another thing I would do is go to the porno shops and totally fuck around with all the dudes in the shop. I would find a bundle of wood in the street and try to sell them like they were flowers. I'd say, "I have hard wood. You want it?" Or I would stand next to a creepy guy and when he reached for a video I'd grab the same one and say, "That's my video. I'm gonna jerk off to it," and they would always bug out and leave and I would just die laughing. I did all sorts of crazy stuff, but nowadays I just stay home and make crazy art and think about all those crazy times and am glad I made it out alive.You've always been more of a biker than a skater. How did you get so entrenched in the skateboard industry?
Oh, that's easy: Zoo York. I was their first employee. The founders, Rodney Smith and Eli Gesner, put me on. I used to hang with those guys at Washington Square Park. My business card said "Mr. Everything," and that was my job—from cleaning out the trash, to packing orders and shipping them to shops, to setting up photo shoots for ads, to setting up tours and trade shows. Oh, and answering the phone as the secretary.Back in the 80s, we all did a little of everything. It wasn't like it is today. Now, it's either you skate or you BMX. I find that segregation within the two sports so weird.Speaking of bikes, Dave's Wear House recently had a release party for BMXer Nigel Sylvester's Nike SB Dunk. The shoe has "S.O.M.P." written on it, which we all know stands for Suck On My Pussy. How the hell did that get past legal?
That's the best! I wish it stood for that, but S.O.M.P stands for Standing On My Pedals. It's a phrase Nigel came up with.In the hood it means Suck On My Pussy, but OK. Didn't you used to sleep on the roof of the old Zoo York offices? And didn't the cops think you were a dead body?
Yes, I did sleep on the roof. At the time I had recently broken up with my girl and she kicked me to the curb, so I didn't have a place to live. I would go on dates with girls and try to sleep with them. I didn't care what they looked like—I just needed a place to rest my head. I guess you would call it "paying the rent" one way or the other. I was on a date that wasn't going well, so I got bombed and went to the Zoo York office. I climbed through the window and went to the roof and passed out with an oilcan Foster's beer. At the time, someone was going around the Meat Packing district and killing transvestite hookers or something like that. I woke up to helicopters over me, thinking I was dead, but I was just passed out and super thirsty because it was summer and mad hot out that day. I remember it like it was yesterday.
Harold Hunter was a staple on Zoo York. Tell me a classic Harold story.
I can go all day with this one. Just yesterday, my partner and I were talking about this one time I had to use the bathroom at the Zoo office, but when I knocked on the door, it was locked. I figured someone was in there and didn't want to be bothered, so I went back to work and about an hour later I tried the door again. It was still locked. I thought maybe the door had been locked from the inside by accident. I picked the lock and to my surprise, there was Harold on the floor, passed out, pants down, dick in his left hand and porno mag in his right. He had jerked off, came on his stomach, and fell asleep on the floor. Classic Harold.You're working on a book of Harold quotes. When will that be done and can you tell me a few of them?
Here are a few classics:"I didn't know Jewish had a language.""You ever eat so much you pass out?""Dave, if I read two big books could I be intelligent?""Tits are like an ass, it's just in the front. You can fuck that, too.""Dave, you ever forget your dog's name? Sometimes I forget my dog's name and call it Squishy.""What's the capital of Michigan? Montreal?"I'm trying to figure out how to do the book—whether I should just list the quotes or have the quotes and translations done by people who were really close to Harold—but it will come out soon. Plus I want to make sure not to make ANY money on this deal, because what's gonna happen to a bunch of people is when they die and go to heaven the first person they'll see at the gates is Harold and he's gonna be like, "SEE! SEE! You made money on my name… DAT'S fucked up, DAT'S fucked up!" So many people have used Harold's name or likeness—when he was alive people didn't want to fuck with him or even pay him.You've been sober for three years now, are arguably not "crazy" anymore, and seem more productive than ever. What have you got lined up for the rest of the year?
Yup, three years now. I'm so happy. I have worked more in this short amount of time than ever; it's crazy. I opened a new shop, Dave's Wear House, and my partner and I started a film fest for kids using GoPro cameras called Little Camera Big Picture. We got Elijah Wood to be a judge and the kids made great movies. If you want to see them they are here.We donate time and give away bikes and other cool stuff. I started a bike brand called ANOTHERWHIP. And now we are about to start a new vodka brand with Pernod Ricard and Absolut vodka called OUR/NEWYORK. Peep the website if you want to learn about the project.Follow Dave on Twitter or go to Daveswearhouse.comMore stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com and onTwitter
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Dave Ortiz: Sometimes it's a drag, but this one time I stumbled into a Red Sox bar and had to show my ID to get in, and holy shit, you would have thought I really was Big Papi—drinks were flowing. That was the only time that ever happened, though.Tell me about your art show, Stir Crazy, opening tomorrow at Gallery Sensei over on Grand Street?
This art show is basically stuff I've done during the winter months. It all started with me learning a German word, schrecklich, which means terrible. See, sometimes you go to an art show and the work isn't for you, or you don't get it, and you're like, "Terrible!" I figured I'd beat you to the punch and call them all terrible… Well, only 13 of them are part of that series. The other stuff I made while cooped up in my studio going "stir crazy" this winter.The show is also a continuation of a TV show I just recently did with my friend Ryan Humphrey, called Flea Market Flip, where we had to battle these two stepmoms. We had to buy some crap at one flea market, then fix it up and flip it at another. It went well and I really liked working with Ryan, so when I was asked to do a solo show I was like, "can my homeboy be in it?" So we just put random stuff in this art show and are selling it. I have work as low as $150 up to $1000.
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I started in the late 70s. It was graffiti that really opened me up. I would play tag or manhunt in the train tunnels and where they parked the trains and would see all this art all over the place and I wanted to do the same thing. I had a tag as a kid, "ZEIN," but then I got my ass kicked by this dude who wrote "ZEN." He felt it was too close and fucked me up, but oh well, that's how shit got handled back then.
Oh boy, Crazy Dave Stories… Well, first off, one time I told Jeff Pang that a friend of mine had invited us to Fire Island, which is the small beach community off of Long Island. I had been out all night drinking and convinced him to come with me. We took the LIRR and had to catch a ferry, and when we got to the boat, Pang was like, "Go to the bathroom because there won't be one on the boat." I was like, "Don't worry, there's a bathroom on the boat." To my surprise, there was not a bathroom on the boat. It was a 45-minute ride and I had to pee so bad that I asked Pang to cover me while I tried to pee out the window—oh, did I mention it was 9 AM and there were mad families and shit with kids on the boat?Anyway, Pang went off on me and we started arguing, and that kinda got my mind off of peeing, but once the boat started to pull into the dock I freaked out and jumped overboard, landing on the deck and running like a freak into a hotel. I ran past the front desk and went upstairs into a linen closet and pissed all over everything. The people at the front desk came upstairs and I made a mad dash out the door. So then I was on the run on an island, but the cops ended up catching me and I got arrested.
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Oh, that's easy: Zoo York. I was their first employee. The founders, Rodney Smith and Eli Gesner, put me on. I used to hang with those guys at Washington Square Park. My business card said "Mr. Everything," and that was my job—from cleaning out the trash, to packing orders and shipping them to shops, to setting up photo shoots for ads, to setting up tours and trade shows. Oh, and answering the phone as the secretary.
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That's the best! I wish it stood for that, but S.O.M.P stands for Standing On My Pedals. It's a phrase Nigel came up with.In the hood it means Suck On My Pussy, but OK. Didn't you used to sleep on the roof of the old Zoo York offices? And didn't the cops think you were a dead body?
Yes, I did sleep on the roof. At the time I had recently broken up with my girl and she kicked me to the curb, so I didn't have a place to live. I would go on dates with girls and try to sleep with them. I didn't care what they looked like—I just needed a place to rest my head. I guess you would call it "paying the rent" one way or the other. I was on a date that wasn't going well, so I got bombed and went to the Zoo York office. I climbed through the window and went to the roof and passed out with an oilcan Foster's beer. At the time, someone was going around the Meat Packing district and killing transvestite hookers or something like that. I woke up to helicopters over me, thinking I was dead, but I was just passed out and super thirsty because it was summer and mad hot out that day. I remember it like it was yesterday.
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I can go all day with this one. Just yesterday, my partner and I were talking about this one time I had to use the bathroom at the Zoo office, but when I knocked on the door, it was locked. I figured someone was in there and didn't want to be bothered, so I went back to work and about an hour later I tried the door again. It was still locked. I thought maybe the door had been locked from the inside by accident. I picked the lock and to my surprise, there was Harold on the floor, passed out, pants down, dick in his left hand and porno mag in his right. He had jerked off, came on his stomach, and fell asleep on the floor. Classic Harold.You're working on a book of Harold quotes. When will that be done and can you tell me a few of them?
Here are a few classics:"I didn't know Jewish had a language.""You ever eat so much you pass out?""Dave, if I read two big books could I be intelligent?""Tits are like an ass, it's just in the front. You can fuck that, too.""Dave, you ever forget your dog's name? Sometimes I forget my dog's name and call it Squishy.""What's the capital of Michigan? Montreal?"I'm trying to figure out how to do the book—whether I should just list the quotes or have the quotes and translations done by people who were really close to Harold—but it will come out soon. Plus I want to make sure not to make ANY money on this deal, because what's gonna happen to a bunch of people is when they die and go to heaven the first person they'll see at the gates is Harold and he's gonna be like, "SEE! SEE! You made money on my name… DAT'S fucked up, DAT'S fucked up!" So many people have used Harold's name or likeness—when he was alive people didn't want to fuck with him or even pay him.You've been sober for three years now, are arguably not "crazy" anymore, and seem more productive than ever. What have you got lined up for the rest of the year?
Yup, three years now. I'm so happy. I have worked more in this short amount of time than ever; it's crazy. I opened a new shop, Dave's Wear House, and my partner and I started a film fest for kids using GoPro cameras called Little Camera Big Picture. We got Elijah Wood to be a judge and the kids made great movies. If you want to see them they are here.We donate time and give away bikes and other cool stuff. I started a bike brand called ANOTHERWHIP. And now we are about to start a new vodka brand with Pernod Ricard and Absolut vodka called OUR/NEWYORK. Peep the website if you want to learn about the project.Follow Dave on Twitter or go to Daveswearhouse.comMore stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com and onTwitter