DOs
Ki hal chelay, pyari lerki? They’re kind of hard to handle during a heat wave, but when it’s really cold and rainy out there’s nothing like a big-titted fatso to get under the covers with. It’s like eating a big meal after you’ve been chopping wood all day.
This guy just looks like a good jam. I don’t know what he’s playing, if it’s a Kurtis Mantronik remix of EPMD or something, but when you look at him you can almost hear the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.
You kind of get the feeling her roommates try to find something wrong with her and relish the few times she gets a zit or something. They secretly hate her for being so perfect.
Why cling to being sexually attractive when you’ve pushed out so many beans you look like a bean yourself? Why not just shoot for cute and look like a happy toy you’d stick to your dashboard? Seriously, this is what the DOs is all about—not trying.
Recently we’ve noticed girls are wearing everything in the world at the same time. It creates an effect called “partying” and often leads to another thing called “fun night.”
This guy looks so good in his little red V-neck that when he wants you to know he’s not lying he puts his hand on himself and swears it’s true because he’s even better than the Bible. I’ve even seen people swear on a stack of him.
70s summer gear is way hotter than make-up and heels and all that stupid g-girl shit. She looks so cozy and clean she’s like doing TLC karaoke in an air-conditioned bedroom during a heat wave.
When you see a chick with a cut like this you know you are dealing with an advanced human being. Instead of spending $700 (yes we know someone who just did that) on some bullshit hairdo, she just put a fucking salad bowl on her head and cut away the excess.DON'Ts
Are those rubber clogs or are they those Birkenstock 14th-century pauper shoes? Whatever they are, I want to just fucking ram him with that gigantic swinging log that was in Rambo.
Fuck the Mack Daddies. Where my Mack Dads at? They watch golf on huge fucking TVs and their 19-inch Deck Rear Bag Electric Mower has a four on the floor with a souped-up hemmy.
I don’t care how great your hip-hop career (in quotations) is going, posing with your dick out for the cover of a magazine is so self-obsessed it’s bordering on homoerotic.
Who’s in the mirror, Carl? Do you see a funky version of Steve Tyler? Do you see an irreverant rocker that does the wango tango? Give up the bass, dude. You’re old.
Dear Diary, I am so fucking bald right now I feel like I’m going to explode. I feel like the sun is looking down at me and thinking, “Holy shit, is that guy ever bald.”
Students have no idea how conspicuous they are. They come to the big city and live in a dorm and get dreads and Doc Martens and think everything is OK. You shouldn’t even wear that in your own home.
A painful divorce has brought this guy from teaching gym and mowing his lawn to some kind of “early Jane’s, late Chains, Peppers and Rage” disco dad. I liked it better when they would just get a perm and a jean jacket and sing “Hotel California” all drunk.
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