People Using Their Pets As Pretend Machine Guns

Spend enough time trolling YouTube and you're bound to find that no idea, no matter how obscure or inane, is unique. No matter the video, there will be at least half a dozen others paying homage or simply recreating the subject matter purely spontaneously. You ever think about how there are only so many combinations of humans out there and thus some of us tend to look alike? YouTube is kind of like that, but unlike with humans, the combinations that go horribly wrong don't disappear. They persist, and spur other strange souls to create their own. With that, I'd like to present a survey of one strange subset of YouTubers: the people who pretend their pets are machine guns. Onward!

This is what I believe to be the definitive video in the genre. The dude's shirtlessness is perfectly representative of the action movie genre; that it's shot on a cell phone in what appears to be a kitchen is perfectly representative of YouTube.

This is actually my favorite of the cat machine gun videos. It's short, uses the right sound effects, and the slow-mo replay is priceless. Great work.

This guy has a banner from a wedding in the background, which either means that A) married life is so boring that it inspires you to make a video like this or B) this guy collects banners from other people's weddings.

Another shirtless guy, this time with an assortment of bracelets you're sure to associate with someone you've only been willing to hang out with because they were pretty loose about sharing their reefer. Who filmed this?

This guy bills this video as "not just another cat machine gun video" which is only true in the sense that, unlike other cat videos, it's really long (a whole minute‽) and has a metric fuckton of special effects. Look at the cat writhing to escape its own murderous reality. Imagine if this was your dad though.

I understand the people that think Earth Liberation Front is full of a bunch of assholes, but then you see something like this and wonder why we aren't all torching Hummers and turning the suburbs into gulags in order to let the kitties run free.

This dude, on the other hand, is just chilling with his kitten and having a real goof. It's the "aww" at the end that sold me.

I mean, I guess this is a fairly stereotypical ferret person (too "weird" for a lamestream cat) but who the hell has a tanning bed on their living room floor?

Yeah, another shirtless guy. But what's really odd about these shirtless guy videos is that they have other people filming them. How does a situation like this play out? "Hey dude, we should hella film one of those cat machine gun videos." "Yeah! Hey, I'll film because you've got better ab definition."

This video has one upvote and one downvote and a non sequitur comment about hernias. What is it about pet that inspire people to treat them as combat weapons? Perhaps brain-controlling parasites? Or is just that, when offered a platform to share their funniest home videos that doesn't involve that psychopath Bob Saget, people default to pretending to kill their loved ones with the least-suspicious prop possible?

@derektmead

SPECIAL BONUS: A pet that's actually kind of like a machine gun, with a nu-metal soundtrack!