This Is Going To Be The Best/Worst Glastonbury Ever!

Looks like they’ve done it again. Despite being a 40-year-old festival with final line-up decisions left to a farmer of pensionable age, Glastonbury’s ties with subculture run deep, and they’ve pulled out a spectacular line-up of era-defining cult artists and the best of the past year’s hip-hop and club culture. Just look at this lot:

Four Tet

ESG

Parquet Courts

Chance the Rapper

Jamie xx

Ms Dynamite

Breach

Danny Brown

Lana Del Rey

Pixies

Massive Attack

Disclosure

MIA

Bryan Ferry

Richie Hawtin

De La Soul

Jurassic 5

Bonobo

Kelis

Warpaint

The Wailers

James Blake

Tinariwen

From 80s pioneers like ESG, Pixies and De La Soul to pillars of British dance culture like Massive Attack and Four Tet, Glastonbury have tied themselves to the history of global counter-culture while still delivering on outstanding new music, especially with bookings for Noisey favourites Chance The Rapper and Danny Brown, This is a line-up that feels both popular and alternative - hand picking artists that embody the spirit of the festival. James Blake is sure to put on a show befitting his seemingly high billing, and MIA will no doubt take her first trip to the Pyramid Stage to ensure she’s made part of the festival’s outspoken political history.

Of course, Glastonbury is not just about the line-up, almost all of our highlights from last year come from finding ourselves in some weird speakeasy you have to climb through a hole to get to. But if anything, this line-up just proves that Glastonbury is still the festival where cutting-edge artists want to play.

FFS. They’ve really fucked it this time. After 40 years of drifting from their counter-cultural ideals, Glastonbury has become just another borish rock festival where white men with platinum discs can play their anodyne hits and then helicopter out. Just look at the line-up this year:

Arcade Fire

Kasabian

Jack White

Elbow

Paolo Nutini

Rudimental

Ed Sheeran

Goldfrapp

MGMT

Jake Bugg

Above & Beyond

The 1975

Kodaline

Interpol

Foster the People

John Newman

Sam Smith

Can’t tell if Glastonbury line-up or CD-changer in mum’s Volvo. From past-it indie bands to some of the most offensively awful music ever (I’m looking at you Kodaline) - this is a fresh musical hell. To be fair, it’s not just crap old music, John Newman and Sam Smith represent the pinnacle of unimaginative contemporary pop while the likes of Foster The People have presumably been added just so five seconds of their one hit can be used in a montage of “the best of the day’s other highlights”.

Of course Glastonbury is not just about the line-up, there’s also the filthy toilets, horrible weather, pissed-up louts and increased potential of bumping into Jo Whiley to deal with. But if anything this line-up just proves that Bestival is now the festival cutting-edge artists want to play, and Glastonbury has been left with the sloppy seconds from Radio 2’s big day in the park.

Sam Wolfson loves Glastonbury more than his family. Follow him on Twitter.

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