It is a truth universally acknowleged that the British music industry grew Jessie J in a lab for several years by feeding her ground-up Rihanna albums, and beating her unfashionable lesbianism into marketable bisexuality with a sexual-repression rod.
She went on to greatness by cornering the market in music for seven-year-old girls to do saucy dance routines to. Her songs themselves were composed in flotation tanks full of focus groups feeding their opinions about E4 and yoghurt-flavoured drinks into a banality supercomputer. And as such, JJ is the best person to represent modern Britain.Read the rest over at NOISEY.
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