NOISEY REVIEWS
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The Strokes' 'Comedown Machine' Proves they are a Generic Rock Band, B
YO THIS ALBUM DOESNT SUCK BUT IT DOESN'T NOT SUCK...YOU FEEL ME? Full Story
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Justin Timberlake's 'The 20/20 Experience' is Good, but Only Because He's in the Illuminati
I'M POPPING IN THE STREETS RIGHT NOW LAST THING I NEED IS TO BE SACRIFICIED TO AN OWL STATUE BEFORE I MAKE MY FIRST $5000. Full Story
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Inc's 'no world' is Space Sex R&B
THIS IS WHAT PRINCE WOULD HAVE SEX TO IN OUTER SPACE. Full Story
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The Kid Mero Reviewed All Three Bauuer Songs Currently on Spotify
THIS SOUNDS LIKE I BLEW 4 GRAMS OF MOLLY UP MY NASAL AND WAS INSTRUCTED TO "MAKE A SONG FOR WHITE PEOPLE USING ONLY FROOTYLOOPS AND CRIME MOB SAMPLES." Full Story
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Macklemore & Ryan Lewis' 'The Heist' is Incredibly Wacklemore
WHAT IS A MACKLEMORE? THAT SHIT SOUNDS LIKE A SPECIES OF TROUT WHO NATURAL HABITAT IS THE MALL OF AMERICA. Full Story
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We had The Kid Mero Review the 15-Second Daft Punk Snippet
I BET THEY WERE IN THE STUDIO LIKE "JACQUES LET UZ DO A HOW ZOO YOU SAY? EHH, "FONKI BAZE LION?" AND OTHER DUDE WAS LIKE "OUI OUI FRANCOIS ALL ZEE BEETCHES AHH.. ZAY WEEL S'EBROUER ZEE COCAINE NO?" Full Story
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YG's "Just Re'd Up 2" Mixtape Is Wild Boring
I STARTED LISTENING TO THIS SHIT AND INSTEAD OF CONCENTRATING SO I COULD DELIVER A VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT KNOWLEDGEABLE REVIEW I STARTED BROWSING REAL ESTATE LISTINGS IN VERY RICH AREAS OF NEW JERSEY SO I COULD MOVE OUT THE HOOD ONCE VICE GIVES ME A MILLION DOLLARS. Full Story
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Waka Flocka's DuFlocka Rant 2 is Pure Crack Except for One Song About College Girls or Some Shit
THANK YOU WAKA FOR STAYING IN YOUR LANE WHICH IS MAKING MUSIC TO CRASH YOUR CAR TO. Full Story
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Ablebody's 'All My Everybody' EP is the Soundtrack to an Imaginary (But Very Sexual) Garden State Remake
THIS SHIT STARTED OFF WITH A VERY STRONG "SOFT FOCUS LOVEMAKING WITH WHITE COLLEGIATE YOUNG WOMAN" VIBE NOW THE VIBE IS "I'M OVERDOSING ON HEROIN OH SHIT I'M DYING I KNOW I'M DYING FUCK! BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD FUCK IT *PERISHES*" Full Story
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Pig Destroyer's Live Flexi Disc for Decibel Magazine Sounds Like White People Workout Music (In a Good Way)
SHOUTOUT TO ALL THE BROS ON ELLIPTICALS LISTENING TO THIS SHIT. Full Story
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Juelz Santana's "God Will'n" Mixtape Makes Me Want to Punch a Train in the Face
THIS IS THE NEW SHIT FOR YOU TO DRIVE AROUND SMOKIN WEED THEN PULL OVER OCCASSIONALLY TO BEAT A DUDE UP BECAUSE HE PUSHED YOU IN 7TH GRADE OR HE LOOKS LIKE A DUDE THAT DID. Full Story
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Is This a Review of the New My Bloody Valentine Album?
Think of Deeper, Redder and Loveless as two streets running parallel to each other. To suggest that one is somehow more important or better than the other is to completely miss the point of experiencing something meaningful. Full Story
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Coheed and Cambria's "The Afterman: Descension" Makes Me Want to Explode Every Mall in Suburbia
ALL THESE SONG TITLES SOUND LIKE I'M READING A BEAT SHEET FOR BABYLON 5. Full Story
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Hollywood Undead's "Notes From The Underground" Is Extra Embarrassing Teenager Music
THIS IS A NAUSEATING COMBINATION OF KORN AND SLIPKNOT AND LINKIN PARK AND A BAG OF CIRCUMCISED DICKS. Full Story
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Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
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Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
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Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
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Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
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Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
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R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
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The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
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I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
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Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
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Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.