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Protomartyr and Turn To Crime's Guide to Detroit

This is the funniest guide to a city you'll ever read. Mind the mold spores and the serial flasher and the guy with the hook for a hand.
protomartyr angela boatwright

PROTOMARTYR'S RECOMMENDATIONS

BARS:

1. PJ's Lagerhouse
1254 Michigan Ave, Detroit, MI 48226
"Craig from the Terrible Twos is a bartender here. He's a really bad bartender."

2. Suzy's Bar (Hamtramck)
2942 Evaline St, Hamtramck, MI 48212
"If you go, say hi to the guy with the hook hand or the serial flasher."

3. Jumbo's
3736 3rd Ave, Detroit, MI 48201
"David Buick from Feelings just posted a photo on Instagram of someone taking a shit here."

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RESTAURANTS:

4. Dearborn Meat Market (Dearborn)
7721 Schaefer Rd, Dearborn, MI 48126
"There are two separate places with this name, go to the good one. You'll know it by the cook with the missing finger (from a lawnmower NOT from chopping meat)."

5. Z's Villa
42 Piquette Ave, Detroit, MI 48202
"Pizza and beach volleyball. We're still waiting for someone to allow us to be on their team."

6. Buffalo Wild Wings
1218 Randolph St, Detroit, MI 48226
"Still haven't eaten here but it's the largest Buffalo Wild Wings in the world."

VENUES:

7. Trinosophes
1464 Gratiot Ave, Detroit, MI 48207
"One of the many places you can hear local man about town, Greg Baise, laughing."

8. The MUG
5984 Lincoln St
"Operated by the Wolf Eyes guys and tolerated (somehow) by the neighbors."

9. The Painted Lady (Hamtramck)
2930 Jacob St Hamtramck, MI 48212
"Timmy Vulgar makes tacos on Wednesdays and they're fucking great."

SHOPPING:

10. John K King Books

901 W Lafayette Blvd Detroit, MI 48226

"Joe [Protomartyr singer] thinks it's the largest all used book store in the world but we're too lazy to check."

11. Hello Records
1459 Bagley St Detroit, MI 48216
"There's a lot of amazing record stores in Detroit and this is one of them."

12. Honeybee Market
2443 Bagley Ave, Detroit, MI 48216
"WE'RE LIVING IN A FOOD DESERT!!!!"

FAVORITE PLACES:

13. Belle Isle
8109 Jefferson Ave, Detroit, MI 48214
"The aquarium is back open but there's loads of other reasons go."

14. Father Livius Paoli Memorial Baseball Fields
W of Southfield Rd, across from Wayne Community College
"We are publicly challenging the guys from Spray Paint to a home run derby next time they are in town."

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