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The Mushpit's Teenage Playlist: Summer Slow Jams

By The Mushpit

Nothing says UK summer quite like the screechy tones of Jay Sean pumping from a Fiat Punto. Sure, you still have work, and you really shouldn’t have another Corona on your lunch break, but fuck it, you’ve got your legs out and it’s H.O.T. In the UK, people seriously lose their shit when it’s suddenly ten degrees warmer than average. And by lose their shit, we mean roll around on the dusty, needle covered patch of grass they call a local park, wearing an old thong and a boob-tube.

Anyway, all this prancing around in matching sunglasses with your bestest pals deserves a pumping soundtrack. So it’s time to forget winter’s ‘serious muso’ vibe and crack on with some well-placed ragga vibes. Enter our ultimate Jamaican heartthrob, Gyptian:

GYPTIAN - “HOLD YUH”

Gyptian just gets it, you know? No bank holiday weekend heatwave would be complete without at least 95% of your friends getting low to Gyptian whilst you take blurry Blackberry pictures and flail your limbs about like a newborn giraffe. His songs are reggae enough to excuse some serious winding, but slow enough to avoid the three-beer booty-pop. He doesn’t want to embarrass you in a super sweaty west London mansion ‘rave’, instead he wants you to wine like a dancehall goddess. Basically, you won't have to delete your Facebook because photos of those denim short-shorts you were tagged in were just a little too, umm, 'embedded'.

WAYNE WONDER – “NO LETTING GO”

Being 14 and not able to dance quite as outrageously as your sassier mates can be way sad and really intimidating. Enter Wayne Wonder’s “No Letting Go”, arguably the ultimate summer jam. We know you know it, because every kid who ever watched MTV Base knows this slow jam anthem, is right up there with Sean Paul’s “I’m Still in Love with You” and everything by Blu Cantrell ever. Again, it’s all about the rhythm; the clapped beat means a subtle sway combined with a shoulder wind is totally OK. You’ll still look super sexy, without having to furiously twerk your butt cheeks into a 14-year-old boy’s semi.

LEONA LEWIS – “RUN”

OK I know what you’re thinking, "hey, this is a great song, but wtf it doing on this playlist?" Sure, it’s a bit of an anomaly, but roll with it for a minute. Picture this, you’ve been out all day winding to industrial dancehall, had one too many hatchet-job mojitos, fell asleep in the sun, and now you’ve got the skin of a barbecued lamb rack. So you shutter your windows and tearfully ice pack the drunken sunbathing sores. But, after four minutes of screaming "Run" at the top of your voice, you'll remember who you really are: Queen of the summer. Before you know it, you’ll be back on the dancefloor. Maybe with shorts that chafe a bit less this time.

@bertiebrandes
@char_roberts