I Saw Dethklok On An Aircraft Carrier

I met my associates, Death Car Mikey and Kenneth Noisewater, in Old Town, San Diego. California may be the Land of a Thousand Lanes, but Land of Ample Parking, it is not. Parking downtown was out of the question, especially because of ComicCon, so we decided to trolley into the embarcadero where the band Dethklok would be performing aboard the USS Midway, a fucking aircraft carrier the size of a city block, for the Adult Swim party. Old Town is around the corner from the cop shop and next to the liquor store, as well as a collection of colorful OG #OCCUPYSD folks (also known as America’s Finest City’s homeless). It made for an easy location to pre-party and recycle our bottles and cans.

California's Prop 215 "sponsored" our walk from the Santa Fe station to the Midway—two different strains, Golden Goat and some other ridiculous name I can’t recall, along with an additional mixed brain salad culled from some grind. Blessed by the offshore breeze, a group of Hawaiian-shirt-clad tourists unwittingly entered our kill-zone and, as a result, increased their following distance by a good 30 feet. But with any luck, the fog contact made their night slightly more snack-filled.

“Klokateers” clad in black and wearing executioner’s masks stood sentry on the gangway. Some way-cool motherfuckers were waiting behind me, complaining that it was several minutes past the announced door time. They chain-smoked the whole time. Fucking Parliaments. Industry douches.

Thanks to the indelible Mike Keneally, (guitarist for Dethklok), I was issued an “I am a guest” wristband, which I later learned granted me free drinks all night. Rad! Death Car Mikey and Kenneth Noisewater had already gained entry and were busy sucking down their two gratis drinks several stories above on the flight deck.

First time setting foot on the ship and my military boner was fully popped. The docents aboard the U.S.S. Midway were friendly retired Navy fellows in yellow hats, though the only piece of info I retained was that it test-fired a captured German V2 rocket after WWII. I remarked, casually, that we had Tyrone Slothrop to thank for that. Silence. The well-chewed piece of spearmint gum began to disintegrate in my mouth. My Gravity’s Rainbow reference failed.

I hit the bar and grabbed a beer.

A large area was cordoned off on the west side of the flight deck. I asked a docent where the band would be performing, and she informed me they’d be playing on the lower deck, arriving shortly in a helicopter. I’m sorry, did you say helicopter?

Here is the text convo I had with Death Car Mikey.

I didn’t take any photos of Megan Fox. In person, unmediated by a screen, it was difficult not to stare, mouth agape. She is an anomaly made up of equally proportioned curves, almost too symmetrical. If the whole acting thing ever dries up, she could easily sell sets of soiled panties to top bidders and make a decent living.

Below deck, they had a green screen set up. You could choose to have your picture taken with a demon squatting above the Midway or with the band. I chose the demon teabag. It complimented my dragon rape Akimbo shirt.

As far as cartoon bands are concerned, Dethklok and Gorillaz share a similar approach to live performance, but that’s about all they share. The band performs in time to a series of videos projected on a screen behind them. Dethklok is comprised of guitarist/vocalist Brendon Small (who is also the shows creator and voices the characters Nathan Explosion, Skwisgaar, and Pickles), drummer Gene Hoglan (Testament, Fear Factory, Death), bassist Bryan Beller (Steve Vai, Mike Keneally) and guitarist Mike Keneally (Frank Zappa). Hoglan is also credited as the drummer on Dethalbum and Dethalbum II.

At first, the crowd was a bit timid. Maybe it was the fact we were at a death metal show in what was basically a floating museum. Eventually, the shredding inspired folks to dance. My favorite Dethdancer was a guy in a leather Civil War hat, black wife-beater, and camouflage shorts, shooting video on a POS JVC camera while slam dancing in the pit—his jaw jabbering accentuating his latent meth mouth. A few people took swings at him as he made his way around the pit, but he shrugged them off.  

The standout songs were "Murmaider," "Dethsupport," and four brand new tunes for the upcoming season of Metalopcalypse. There is a good balance of humor and pummeling metal music at a Dethklok show. Comic interludes by Face Bones and an extended song by show regular Dr. Rockzo, the drug-addled clown, inspired people to chant "COCAINE" and "VEINY COCKS" in rhythm with a 70’s disco beat.

They also played four new, ragingly murderous and shredtastic songs: "I Ejaculate Fire," "Andromeda," "Dethfair," and "Galaxy."

Girl Talk played the after party. That was weird. I went in search of Adderall so I could enjoy the set properly but couldn’t score.

Check out http://www.keneally.com/

@andaluciabomber