NOISEY REVIEWS
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The Twelve Days Of Mero - Justin Bieber's "Under The Mistletoe"
JUSTIN BIEBER INFURIATES ME B. I WANNA SUPLEX HIM ONTO A PILE OF FLAMING BRICKS. Full Story
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LA Vampires By Octo Octa - 'Freedom 2K'
Want to hear what disappoinment sounds like? Full Story
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The Flaming Lips' One More Robot Remix Album Made My Dick Turn Into A Digimon
YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND MY NIGGA? BECAUSE YOU WROTE A SONG ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND FIGHTING ROBOTS. Full Story
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Rihanna's "Unapologetic" Makes Me Want To Defenstrate The Shit Out Of Eminem
THIS IS THE BACKGROUND MUSIC TO THE PART OF THE MOVIE WHERE A FLOCK OF COLLEGIATE FEMALES ARE PUTTING ON "SMOKY EYE" MAKEUP AND HIGH FIVING EACHOTHER WHILE DRINKING YELLOWTAIL. Full Story
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The Dixie Chicks Greatest Hits Reminds Me That Banjos Are Always Racist
YO IF YOU'RE A 55 YEAR OLD WHITE MOM WHO KIDS DON'T LIVE AT HOME THIS IS YOUR MASTURBATION MUSIC B. LIGHT SOME CANDLES AND GET YOUR RABBIT MA, THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. Full Story
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Wiz Khalifa's "O.N.I.F.C." Proves That He Is Fiscally Irresponsible
MY GUY OVER THE COURSE OF THIS ALBUM YOU BOUGHT LIKE 12089479274 BOTTLES OF ALCOHOL AT NIGHTCLUB PRICES WHICH IS LIKE 549% MARKUP. Full Story
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Rich Kids' "Straight Like That 3" Is Kinda Good
THESE NIGGAS SOUND LIKE BABY FROGS DOING DRAKE MIXTAPE JOINTS. Full Story
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"The Odds" By The Evens Is For Longboarding On Klonopin In The Rain
I COULD PROLLY GET DOWN WITH THIS IF I HAD A HEROIN ADDICTION. Full Story
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Corrosion Of Conformity's Megalodon EP Makes Me Want To Do Sorcery
THIS SOUNDS LIKE A LITTLE BABY GOBLIN THROWING A TANTRUM. Full Story
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Brian Eno's "Lux" Is Full Of Caucacity In A Mostly Good Way
I'MA PRODUCE A FILM THAT IS JUST A SHOT OF WATER SLOWLY DRIPPING OFF A LEAF ON A DREARY DAY AND THIS IS THE NIGGA THATS GONNA DO THE SOUNDTRACK POW I JUST WON 6 OSCARS BITCH. Full Story
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Roc Marciano's "Reloaded" Is Very Valuable Intense Shit
THIS NIGGA GOT LIKE 2 FEATURES AND ONE OF THEM IS A GUY NAMED "KNOWLEDGE PIRATE" WHICH IS THE BEST FUCKIN RAP NAME I EVER HEARD EVER. Full Story
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Guided By Voices Makes Me Depressed About The Future Of My Dick
I JUST GOT DEPRESSED BECAUSE IN A FEW DECADES FROM NOW I'LL HAVE A GROSS SOGGY OLD MAN DICK. Full Story
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Kid Rock's New Record Is Audio Racism
THIS IS FUCKIN MURICA!! WE DRANK BUD LAHT AND LISSNA KID FUCKIN RAWK!!!! Full Story
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Crystal Castles - 'III'
I GIVE THIS ALBUM 4 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUT OF 5. THAT MIGHT BE A POSITIVE REVIEW I'M NOT SURE YET. Full Story
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Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
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Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
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Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
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Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
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Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
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R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
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The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
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I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
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Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
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Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.