Cher Lloyd Drowns In Piss While X Factor Does The SameBy Sheree Millington
There was a poetic synchronicity to the news that this weekend, as X Factor was making its comeback, one of its stars was being humiliated while performing onstage.
Yeah, Cher Lloyd totally lost her "swagga" this weekend at commercial shit-heap V Festival, when revellers decided to hurl pop bottles full of piss at her. Reportedly, the pee-storm made Cher cry, and she had to cut her set short, her reaction to the wee-lobbing being, "It's hard enough being up here, but it's not nice having bottles of piss chucked at you". No shit.
But the thing with Cher is, she's a sitting duck. First reason to hate her by proxy, is that she rose to fame on X Factor. In the relative safety of the reality show bubble, she was allowed to become more and more precocious every week. Producers were happy to let her think white, suburban, teenage girls rapping in Pidgin English and just plain made-up English (how exactly, do you "jag a swag" again?) could be a credible thing. Then the stylists made her look like she'd covered herself in PVA glue and charged through the window of Claire's Accessories. It was never going to end well. In fact, it was always going to end in a face full of piss.
Lest we forget, this is also the programme that promised people like Chico and Steve Brookstein champagne and cocaine fame, and now they peform at Butlins with tears in their eyes. We can all laugh at the contestants pie-eyed dreams of being celebs, but I bet reality shows don't teach these people how to emerge the hardened, media-trained sociopaths they need to be, to survive the industry without frequent breakdowns. That's what you go to the Brit School for. That's why Rita Ora looks like she's built from teflon and concrete and why Jessie J appears to be threatening you every time she appears on telly. By comparison, Cher appears to be made from cheap, fragile, nail extensions.
Anyway, once Cher left the competition and was thrown to the wolves, it emerged she wasn't quite the invulnerable badass she had been presented as. She appeared blubbing on a Panorama special about cyber-bullying, saying “I get called a pikey at least ten times a day”. She then proceeded to stick to dub her fans "The Brats", destroying any sympathy the public had felt for her in one moment of pro-actively obnoxious brand management.
I mean, the world is full of terrible human beings, and coincidentally, a large concentration of them turn up in Chelmsford for V Festival. So it's just like, Cher babe, I wonder if now you look back at the time you spent queuing for hours, outside a local leisure centre in the rain, waiting for a chance to turn your swag on in front of Cheryl Cole, and think: "Maybe someone should have told me there might be a downside to fame?"
Apparently, not very many people watched X Factor this weekend. I mean, probably more people than have ever bought a Black Flag album, but not very many in ITV talent show terms. Only 10 million or something. Clearly the public's affections have simultaneously dwindled for their former favorite Cher. I guess there's only so long you can feed the public piss before they turn round and throw it back in your face.
Follow Sheree on Twitter @shereemilli