Remember a little while back when the official news came out that Mariah Carey was officially going to be the new official American Idol judge, like, officially? We all did a little victory dance, because if Miss Mariah is good at one thing, it’s bringing entertainment—officially.
Well, apparently Mariah and her Lollipop Bling-scented cleavage were not enough to spruce up this long-running talent contest. According to, uh, US Weekly, Nicki Minaj will be joining the Idol judging panel for next season.
"I'm not sure the deal is completely done yet, but yes, she is definitely doing it," said one inside source. "A few more slight things to sign off on, but it is happening." According to another "source," Minaj is "100 percent confirmed to judge American Idol." (I L-O-V-E it when they use the term “source” like that.)
Okay, so from what we know, neither Miss Minaj nor FOX has confirmed the news, but these sources seem like gold, don’t you think? Wasn’t that what our professors were always harping on about? “Citing your sources?” So legit.
Okay, look. We really hope that Nicki Minaj is going to be on Idol, but not as a judge. We want her to be in charge of makeovers for the contestants. How great would that be? Everyone would have giant ass implants, crazy pink make-up, eye injections—is that even a thing?—fake lashes, horse hooves and whatever other weird things she does to her Barbie body. At least that would take care of the contestants who get stuck in the “Hard Rocker” stereotype and end up dressed like it’s “Funky Aunt Bianca’s Day In Manhattan.” Minaj would turn that contest into a freakshow and we would definitely, definitely watch at least, like, half an episode.