Google Is Offering Record Labels Over One Billion Dollars For Their Catalogs
In yet another not-so-subtle attempt at what will inevitably lead to universal corporate oligarchy, high-ranking sources in the digital music industry are reporting that Google has approached a handful of major labels with offers to buy out their entire catalogs--that means "all the rights in every country for every piece of music and for every platform"--at an alleged starting price of one billion dollars a piece. We have no idea what Google has up their sleeves, but we can't help but feel a little dubious about the idea of breaking the bank to monopolize an industry that collected only $16.6 billion dollars in revenue last year globally (trust us, that's not as much as it sounds).
We hit up our friend Caleb Braaten, founder of Sacred Bones Records (whose roster lists the likes of Zola Jesus, The Men, and Crystal Stilts), to find out what he had to say about the madness.
Hi Caleb! So did you hear that Google wants to buy your record label?
Caleb Braaten: Oh, how very exciting. I just thought the wanted me to check out Capital One Banking and the New York Film Academy.
If you were Google, whose back catalog would you go after? Besides Sacred Bones, naturally.
I hear Atlantic put out a few good records in their day, that might be good? Maybe Apple Records? I love those Doris Troy records.
How much do you think is a fair price for the entire Sacred Bones catalog?
They're offering ONE BILLION? We can start there.
So what would you want to do with the money?
Raise the Titanic.
Fair enough. We've seen money put to worse.
We Interviewed Ron Jeremy About His Perfect, Piano-Playing Penis
Ron Jeremy made a seven-inch about appreciating classical music where he plays "1812 Overture" with his schlong.
Chiraq Versus the World
Tragedy at home is familiar, and thus easier to ignore.
The Hottest Alt-Bros at Coachella
"Wait, is your cum gluten-free?"
A Canadian in Tokyo Made a Song Out of Japanese Suicide Statistics
"What if we lived in a society where all historical records were converted into a type of music and people in school would sit around and listen to it?"
Pharoahe Monch: Stress Raps
One of the greatest technical rappers of all time speaks out about the record industry, the state of American healthcare, and that one time he ghostwrote for Diddy.
We Crashed Your Coachella Party
Life hack: You don’t actually have to go to Coachella to go to Coachella.
The Bros of Coachella
Coachella Day Two: Desert Storm Grilled Cheese
It is not Spring Break times a million
What I Learned About Style From Eve's "Who's That Girl"
The keys to being an anti-social bad bitch? Deadly animals, leather catsuits, and lava lamp print.
Former Miami Heat Star Rony Seikaly Is a Real DJ, and I Love Him
It turns out Rony Seikaly is as killer as a house DJ in the club as he is as a character in 'NBA Jam.'