Who is the Unannounced Headline Act at Glastonbury?

The Glastonbury line-up announcement is one of the biggest of the year. Not that it matters, because tickets sell out months before any artists are announced, but the festival usually manages to secure a #rare coup that puts them ahead of everyone else. They booked Metallica, Beyonce and Mumford & Sons before anyone else – so it’s almost certain that the headline acts they announce will be artists that are not immediately obvious. This year’s line-up dropped last week and features, among already announced performances from Kanye West and Foo Fighters, one glaring admission – “Special Guests”. With Florence and the Machine – a previously rumored headliner – already on the bill, the void has left people ruminating on exactly who those “special guests” are. Last night we came a step closer to working out who the headline act could be. The festival’s founder, Michael Eavis, gave a talk about Glastonbury’s history last night and, when quizzed about the “Special Guests”, he dropped some clues. The headliner consists of two acts, rather than one, and is “most likely British”. They will be announced on June 1 and it’s going to be a “big one” – which he says every year. So where does that leave us? This is obviously just a rumor we’ve crafted from our own fantasy. But let’s be real here. Who else is there? Liam and Noel? Possibly. But they could get anyone together and call it Oasis and no one would care. Some have suggested Mick Jagger and David Bowie but it seems unlikely the duke would be up sharing the stage with anyone if he were to make his return. Surely it couldn't be Morrissey and Marr? Moz has referred to his rhythm section as “mere session musicians” so maybe they’re doing a joint Marr and Morrissey show without original bassist Andy Rourke and drummer Mike Joyce. Right now the bookies are saying Kate Bush +1, but it's hard to imagine who that would be.

Glastonbury headliners are as dissapointing as often as they are spectacular - so maybe we should be thinking more along the lines of some ghaslty photofit of avaliable artists - something like Paul Weller and Jake Bugg or Sam Smith and George Michael. But, we think most likely is that this is all a huge red herring and it'll probably end up being, I dunno, The Stone Roses and then Primal Scream come on and do a song? Yeah that sounds about right.

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