We Spoke To Oneman About Water Slides

We all like to party, right? Sure. But there’s precious few venues that accommodate our needs; too big, too small, too many breathing humans, bar staff demanding paper money for a solitary drink - being encased in a big, sweaty, gurning walzter of noise and darkness could be made easier by some club owners. Maybe they don’t have the space? I don’t know, I’m not a chartered surveyor.

Someone who knows a thing or two about having to go to nightclubs all the fucking time is fourth most prominent Streathamite, Oneman. He’s always in them. His clothes have absorbed more student sweat than an exam hall extractor fan. But it’s not all freshers and drug farts, his trajectory as a DJ since starting out has catapulted him all across Europe, America, Oceania nightclub and countless more pins jammed into the map.

Anyway, he’ll be playing at Bugged Out Weekender next weekend(er), at the notorious home for debauched narc-swilling and loose morals…Butlins. He’ll be spinning alongside Ben UFO, EZ, Brodinski and many more. So we asked him a few questions:

Noisey: Do you think you’ll be going on any of the water slides during your stay at Butlins?

Oneman: No fucking way, though I do miss Water Palace in Croydon, it really tied the community together.

Fair enough. So, where would you ideally hold a weekend long rave?

I reckon I’d like to do it somewhere hot, but untapped as well. Like Hawaii. Or maybe a rave in the Russian Embassy, can you imagine how lavish that shit is?

If you could DJ by just thinking about what to mix, would you do it? Or would you stay in reality?

Nah, keep it real bro. Keep it real. You’re basically describing what people do on Ableton anyway.

If someone came up to you in the booth and said "I’ll give you £30 if you play this one shit tune I like", would you play it?

No, if I have it then I’ll probably play it. I don’t have Flux Pavillion - "Bass Canon" on my Serato so you can offer me as much money as you like.

Is there any era in music you wish you could have been there for, or any events you wish you could have seen?

I wish I was old enough to have been able to go to east beat grime raves in sort of 2001-2003. All the eskimo dances basically, to go and see people like Dizzee and Titch. Slimzee on the deck as well, oh gosh.

If DJs are the new rock stars then why aren’t you all drummed to the eyeballs on heroin?

Look at it like this: heroin > poppies > war commemoration > "Anti War Dub" > Dubstep > DJ.

If you woke up one day and suddenly lost the ability to mix properly, what would you do?

Open up a pet store called I Got Worms! It’s gonna specialise in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms?

…What’s your favourite bass line ever?

"Blipstream" by Skream. It’s like a bass-quest, you know? A sub-journey.

What’s the most emotional reaction you’ve had to your mixing?

After I finished my set once a girl came up to me and cried. She was literally in floods of tears, I was standing there like "What the fuck is going on?"

Completely normal reaction. 2013 is the year of the snake I hear, who would you say is the biggest snake on road right now?

Wavy Davy!

Thanks very much, and maybe give the slides a go, yeah? Live a little innit?

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