The Sun Appropriated Grime for Their Budget Story, and It's the Worst Newspaper Cover of All Time

Each morning I peel my eyes open, cling to my duvet for warmth, and open Twitter. From here, there are only two outcomes: I accidentally fall back asleep and drop my phone on my head, or I see something that gets the blood pumping around my body.

Sometimes, the thing that jumpstarts my inner-circuitry is a piece of light entertainment or the release of a surprise album. Increasingly though, I'm woken up by something else: a piece of front-page news that's so warped, so sneaky in how it skirts around a pertinent issue, that it can make it impossible to return to sleeping comfortably. That's always been the way of the printing press, yet in the last twelve months it feels like these newspaper headlines are coming thick and fast. Which brings me to today's alarm clock: the front-page cover of The Sun.

Just incase this isn't abundantly clear, the cover references two things: the government's new sugar-tax, and popular grime artist and national hero Dizzee Rascal, which is – I'm guessing – why George Osborne is dressed in a card shop Halloween "rap costume", pouring a can of Coca-Cola on the ground for all of his homies (Jamie Oliver), and his budget is described as "Bonkers".

Somewhere in Fleet Street, a sub-editor is feeling very clever about this front-page. "Everyone is talking about the grime," he's saying, while wildy gesturing a Sharpie at a whiteboard that has written upon it, "LETHAL BUDGETIZZLE?", "FIZZY RASCAL?" and "TORYBOY BETTER KNOW?". "I feel like we should do a grime thing!" He squeals.

On the surface, it ticks all the boxes that we look to newspapers to tick when reporting on political issues: there's a pun in the headline, there's an image of a politician looking like a fool – it may as well be a case-study ready made for lectures at journalism school. The thing is, though, this cover isn't great, is it? It's not even okay. It's fucking terrible.

Firstly, sugar-tax isn't the most important story of the day at all is it? The most crucial, pertinant story of the day is the £3.5bn in cuts that the government has decided to make before 2020 which, among other things, involves cutting Personal Independent Payments for people who suffer disabilities, drastically reducing their quality of life and well-being.

It's almost like The Sun have decided to put Osborne in this little sketch as some sort of visual distraction technique, like a streaker running across the pitch at a cup final, except this streaker is George Osborne made to look like an extra in some sort of intensely problematic Sacha Baron Cohen film.

Given that The Sun are appropiating both grime and hip-hop culture for their headlines in the wake of a budget delivering further cuts that will disproportionately affect British black communities and other minorities, perhaps they could organise some sort of meet up between the two parties? Could we get George Osborne doing his next press conference via Link Up TV? How about a Fire in the Booth? At the best of times, Osborne looks like a bewildered child that's had his drink spiked with some mandy and doesn't know what's going on. So lets take him even further out of his comfort zone. In fact, I'm certain the only way we can ever get rid of Osborne is by dressing him in the exact outfit he's wearing on the front-page of The Sun and dropping him off in Bow. Keep him there without an iPhone, let him walk around, let him get so lost that he won't be able to find his way home. Can someone make this happen, please?

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