Bow Down to The Independent, they Just Dropped the Funniest Hip-Hop Article of All Time

Guys, do you ever do that thing where you're walking down the street and you see like, shops, just like regular British shops, and you think - god, doesn't that sound like a rapper. You know how like Budgens really sounds like a rapper? And how Halfords really sounds like a rapper? Do you know what I mean? Like they're not rappers, but they sound like them, you know?

Unfortunately I was not the first person to happen across this incredibly funny and totally true observation. A young writer called Christopher Hooton got there first. He did an investigative report for The Independent looking at the 12 high street shops that sound most like rappers, headlined "12 UK Stores That Sound Like the Hottest Rappers of 2015". Noice!

Now to be clear, these aren't shops which could lend themselves to humourous hip-hop puns on existing rappers: like Meek Karen Miller or Itsu-Tang Clan or The Notorious BHS or Gnarls Barclays. No, these are rappers that exist only in his mind, and the shops sound just like them. That's why it's so funny. For example:

Do you get it? Cause Lloyds TSB sounds just like a rap collective to him, in his personal thoughts that bare no resemblence to anything in the real world. It's really hilarious. You got us with this one. Here's another:

Absolutely classic banter here. Co-op, of course, is such a trademark rapper contraction of co-operative and he absolutely nailed that with some observational humour. The "slingin' hummus" bit seems confusing - but of course Hooton has never tried to make things easy for the reader, that is his skill. Look at this from a fellow Independent staffer.

Eh!? What's there not to get?

CRYING EMOJI!!!!!!

This is definitely my favourite because of the way that he puts another thing that his brain put in the article that doesn't fit with his own made-up nonsensical theme and then he's like WOAH WHAT'S THIS THING THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE AN INDIE BAND DOING HERE WITH ALL THESE THINGS THAT DON'T SOUND LIKE RAPPERS. LOL.

I can barely contain myself. But don't take my word for how funny it is. Check out the article here and then read all the super positive things that people are saying about it on Twitter.