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The Bro Butts of Coachella

And with this, we have reached the ass-end of our Coachella coverage.

Last week, we covered the predominance of the Coachella fashion trend known as “underbutt.” While most people enjoyed it for what it was—just a buncha butts on the internet, a few people asked why we focused so heavily on ladybutt. Were we being sexist or objectifying women? No, not at all! In fact, we actually have a very reasonable explanation: Man ass is disgusting.

Seriously, why would any person of any sexual orientation or preference want to see a grown man’s ass? They are like of the Kia Spectras of human body parts. To be honest, WE ARE SO SICK OF COVERING COACHELLA. But since you, the people of the internet, demanded to see the bro butt, and since it is our job as blogging servants to wait on you hand and foot, providing content that will please every small niche of the world wide web, here is The Bro Butt of Coachella 2014 we found on Instagram. Enjoy, you sick weirdos. (Now let us never speak of Coachella again.)

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If you're bringing your bro butt to Coachella, prepare to have it thoroughly patted down upon entering. They wanna make sure you're not smuggling an illegal amount of ass into the festival.

But then once you get that bro butt inside, it's sun's out, gun's out. Let those cheeks breathe, son. Don't flaunt your swamp ass like this bro. (P.S. You have to flex in front of a woman. That's how that works.)

OK, no wait. This is too far. There's got to be some compromise between shorts full of swamp ass and walking around in a jock strap.

OK, this bro's kind of got the right idea. Remember to take a razor to that lower back though.

They were right to fence you out of the festival, Bro Bunnies.

NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO. You go join the Bunny Bros, Man Stamp Panda.

Yeah, they make bathing suits not in that size too, bro.

Manly Cyrus grinding on a female Robin Thicke. Would expect nothing less from Coachella.

Judging from that terrible calf tattoo, this is the jock strap guy from before. Never thought we'd see the day when tighty whities would be an improvement but there it is.

Wow, these dudes are really getting into Coachella's butt theme. "Hello, Kinko's? Are my giant photos of Kim Kardashian ready yet? Coachella is tomorrow and I need them urgently to be HILARIOUS."

Coppertone bros.

And of course, the king of the Coachella bro butts, the astronaut guy.

Dan Ozzi has seen enough man ass for a lifetime. He will probably blur out the bottoms of his mirrors. - @danozzi

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Read the rest of our Coachella 2014 coverage so we can move on:

The Great Desert Hunt for Underbutt at Coachella

The Bros of Coachella

The Basic Bitches' Guide to Coachella

The Cliques of Coachella and Their Opinions of Each Other

The Hottest Alt-Bros at Coachella