Rae Sremmurd, who seem to just be loving everything right now, found themselves sat in the Breakfast Club studio yesterday morning. They covered a lot of conversation topics—the Jenners, Beyonce, the beef with Esco—but most importantly, they opened the conversation up with a handy guide to not cheating on your partner, and how to have sex with Rae Sremmurd.The professor, really, was Slim Jimmy—who’d dressed in a bright pink Gucci fur and Gucci skiing goggles that probably confused the crap out of the store clerk when he purchased them in late-July. Swae Lee sat next to him and struggled to keep up while his brother ran through sexual anecdotes at a mile a minute.“This generation,” said Jimmy, “I’m gonna give y’all rules.” Here’s what we learned:i) “If you taking pictures with the bitch and she can post them and you’re like this right here [demonstrates that the person has to be in close proximity] that’s cheating… Can you make it to my Instagram? It’s real if I put you on Snapchat.”First off, Swae Lee spends his time jumping on the mic here and correcting his brother every time he says the word “bitch,” turning to the mic and saying “the girl” instead. He seems like a nice guy. For his part, Jimmy makes some sense. “Pics or it didn’t happen” is now more than a throwaway line about something cool that happened to you. It's 2016’s response to Shaggy.ii) "If the bitch spent the night at your crib, then it’s bad. Even if you didn’t get the pussy. But if she spent the night at my house, I’m gonna get the pussy."Here, Charlamagne tha God jumps in by saying “You sound very Bill Cosby-ish right now.” The logic here is relatively straightforward—do sex, don’t do cuddling—but the takeaway is that Jimmy may never have shared a bed with anyone without engaging in coitus.iii) "Suck my dick in the Uber, and when I get back to my room I’m gonna FaceTime my bitch, so y’all can’t stay and you better not bring no beds because y’all can’t stay the night."There’s a lot about this that seems wrong and it’s not just the heavy suggestion that Jimmy is being unfaithful to his girlfriend. Who brings a bed to a hook-up? Is that an expected part of casual sex now? We like sex at Noisey, we are in favor of it, but nobody here has every brought a bed to a date, a hotel room, or a potential partner’s apartment. Also noteworthy here: Jimmy thinks that anything with a driver is an Uber. That bit is cool.iv) Anyone who hooks up with Jimmy can’t order room service “because I gotta pay for that… I’m not a romantic.”Dude, people get hungry. You need to replenish, get some glucose in your system. You just purchased a bright pink Gucci fur that looks like a cloud; buy someone a ham sandwich and a Sprite, for God’s sake.v) “I play Pokemon Go more than I text these hoes.”2016 is the worst.Follow Noisey on Twitter.
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