Noisey Vs. MetalSucks - Give Black Sabbath's New Record a Chance

Welcome to our newest column, Point/Counterpoint, where we prove to the rest of the Internet that we are smarter and more right than any other editorial outlet on planet earth. We know these dudes who run a metal site called MetalSucks that people seem to like, so we challenged them to an editorial cagematch. The rules were simple: two blogs enter, one blog leaves. This week we're facing off over the new Black Sabbath record, which we think is worth listening to. For some reason, MetalSucks doesn't agree with us. You can read their wholly illegitimate response right here.

I’m glad MetalSucks chose to dismiss the continued existence of Black Sabbath in this week’s online smack down: an elaborate PR campaign couldn’t have been set up better to root for Sabbath in the weeks prior to the release of their 464th album 13. Here are some reasons you should give Sabbath a chance.

GUILT

First of all, Ozzy Osbourn (who seemed like an irrelevant buffoon when “The Osbournes” was on the air) has fallen off the wagon due to the pressure of recording with Sab again. It appears he almost set his house on fire, caused a huge rift with his family and is now living apart from his wife and manager Sharon while he sorts out his life. Nothing makes you want to root for an underdog like heartbreak. Throw on top of that the fact that metal’s most legendary guitarist Tony Iommi, the guy who virtually pioneered the genre with his sinister, thick-as-New-England-clam-chowder guitar riffs, is still suffering from cancer and has scheduled the band’s tour so he can receive treatments as needed. You've got the script for an amazing tearjerker, as opposed to the in studio jerking of that most bands do.

IT'S EASIER IF YOU IGNORE SHARON OSBOURNE

I'll admit it: it’s hard for me to root for Black Sabbath these days. Let's get the sour grapes out of the way. Newsflash: Sharon Osbourne is not the charming, friendly face you’ve seen on “America’s Got Talent” and “The Talk.” This may not really surprise anyone and, okay, Sharon’s not in Black Sabbath, but she’s had more impact on Ozzy’s career than Yoko Ono had on John Lennon’s. Now here’s my beef. When Black Sabbath reunited in 1997 to record some new material (which never surfaced) and play their first shows with Ozzy since 1992, I was sent to Los Angeles to write a story for Penthouse. Before the storm, Sharon said that if Ozzy and I hit it off she would consider me as the co-writer of Ozzy’s long-in-the-works autobiography.

At first, everything seemed to go well. I received a tour of the family’s gorgeous Beverly Hills estate and conducted a lengthy interview with Sharon, in which she was surprisingly forthright about how dysfunctional her husband could be and the dichotomy between the commanding Ozzy we see onstage and the man who, at the time, toddled around his home unsure of what day it was. She explained how Ozzy suffers from severe dyslexia and how at parent teacher conferences at his kids’ schools, Ozzy would yawn loudly and lift his shirt up and down, exposing his belly, unaware that he was doing anything inappropriate.

“Damn,” I naively thought. “She’s tired of reading puff pieces and wants me to tell the true story. I’m gonna get to write Ozzy’s book!” Then my interview session with Ozzy began. Without going into detail, the discussion wasn’t at all illuminating or comfortable, despite the fact that I had interviewed him twice before and both stories turned out well. Ozzy talked a little bit about biting heads off doves and bats but refused to go into any detail about of the craziness of the early Black Sabbath years. “Fair enough, he wants to start with a clean slate,” I thought. So I talked to him about how reuniting with Sabbath was like getting back together with old friends. Then we talked about the nu-metal scene and he admitted having no knowledge about any current bands. “If you worked as an auto mechanic all day the last thing you want to do is come home and fix cars,” he explained. Then I got bold and stupid. I asked him how he responds to certain people’s assessment that he was a puppet on Sharon’s strings and that she ran the show? The question must have hit too close to home. Ten minutes later, he told me he was tired of talking and asked if we could finish the interview the next day.

His lovely wife called early the next morning and asked if I could show up at the office 30 minutes before our scheduled follow-up. Stupidly, I thought she was going to tell me how impressed she was by my honestly and would ask me to write Ozzy’s book. In reality, she was sharpening her knife to castrate me. After having me wait in the lobby of her office for an hour, she invited me in and asked me to close the door. She quietly sat down and had me do the same. Then her smile turned into a black hole and her shining eyes became lupine.

“I don’t know who you are or what you think you’re doing, but you will not take down Ozzy!!!!” Her shouts were as monstrous as they were unexpected. I tried to defend myself to no avail. I was escorted off the premises and banned from Ozzyland -- left out to rot along with the hundreds of other carcasses Sharon has left in her wake. Over the next decade, when magazines assigned me interviews with Ozzy, I was turned down, and when MTV news assigned me Ozzy-related stories, Sharon called the head of the programming department to explain in no uncertain terms that I was not to write anything about her husband.

So when the Ozzy Sabbath thing went awry and Ronnie James Dio was invited to perform with Iommi and bassist Geezer Butler, I was thrilled. Their band Heaven & Hell was tight, savage, musically intricate and surprisingly relevant. Their 2009 album The Devil You Know was one of the top records of the year, right up there with the classic post-Ozzy Black Sabbath discs Heaven and Hell (1980) and Mob Rules (1981), and even better than Dehumanizer (1992). Then, of course, after extensively touring The Devil You Know, Dio died of stomach cancer in 2010. Which leads me to my next point…

DIO IS DEAD AND WARD IS GONE

Dio dies. Sabbath gets back together with Ozzy and tries to resurrect a magic in the studio they haven’t shared since 1975’s and arguably before that. And maybe, just maybe, they pull it off. Or perhaps they were doomed from the start? Pretty much as soon as the reunion buzz began, drummer Bill Ward was out of the band due to an inability to come to an amicable financial arrangement. Could Sabbath really be Sabbath without Ward, many asked? It’s a stupid question, right up there with, “Can you pick up hot chicks at a death metal show?” As integral as his leaden pounding was to the early Sabbath albums, Ward only recorded with the band for 11 years. Since he left the first time, Sabbath have worked with Vinny Appice (who was also in Heaven & Hell and would have been my choice to play on the record, but when it comes to Ozzyland, my vote no longer counts). The band also played with Ben Bevan, Eric Singer, Cozy Powell and Bobby Rondinelli and they toured a bunch with Faith No More’s Mike Borden, who seemed a natural for 13. But they would up hiring Rage Against the Machine drummer Brad Wilk – seemingly a strange move, but no one can deny the guy can play.

Speaking of playing, Iommi and Butler remain the musical core of the band and as long as they’re both present, Black Sabbath have the potential of staying as pernicious and powerful as Heaven & Hell. And with enough rest between vocal takes, Ozzy might be able to sing on key at least half the time. That never stopped Anthony Kiedis. And let’s face it, Part of Ozzy’s appeal is that his voice was always thin and nasal. What he lacked in ability he made up for in mental patient appeal – at least in the early days. The question is can Ozzy still travel to a creative place only navigable via the Crazy Train? It’s a mystery that will be unveiled June 11 when 13 comes out.

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD IT YET

As much as the kids want to pretend Black Sabbath are irrelevant, it would be inane to write off 13 without a listen. The preview of the first single “God Is Dead,” which accompanied the premiere of the album art, sounds pretty fuckin’ cool. “Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,” yowls Ozzy as the band plays a bluesy, serpentine riff that evolves into a trademark, propulsive Sabbath chug. And in an in-studio promotional clip with producer Rick Rubin, the band plays a quality slab of biker metal that could bode well for the album to come.

Lyrical snippets hold promise as well, “Do you deny you’re responsible for the victims of the sins you devise?” Ozzy moans on one song. “Is this the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end? Is your life real or just pretend?/ Rewind the future to the past to find the solution,” Ozzy sings on “End of the Beginning.” It’s not exactly profound, but it’s better than, “Satan's sitting there, he's smiling/ Watches those flames get higher and higher/ Oh no, no, please God help me” from the 1970 classic “Black Sabbath.” Also…

PEOPLE WHO HAVE HEARD IT THINK IT'S GOOD

Various VIPs who have already heard the album say the songs on 13 range from trudging and bleak to upbeat and euphoric. There’s even some acoustic, psychedelic and bluesy tones on “Zeitgeist,” that, according to Artisan News Service, “has a melody reminiscent of something off Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here," adding that “Tony also plays a very bluesy solo that’s almost on the borderline of jazz, and with Geezer’s acoustic bass it's the most diverse track Black Sabbath was done in over three decades.”

Now, hype is often just that, and promo videos aren’t always what they appear. Remember Leni Riefenstalh’s Triumph of the Will? Still, despite my unpleasant past with Ozzy and Sharon, I’d like to think that when Butler recently said, “The stuff that Tony’s been playing is just absolutely brilliant. It’s great to be a part of it. So we’re all excited again,” he wasn’t just blowing hot air. I have little doubt that Ozzy’s voice will sound abused and hoarse after a few concerts, but I’m going to give 13 a fair, prejudice-free listen and if it ends up being one of my favorite albums of the year I won’t hold it against MetalSucks or that jerk nut Sharon.

MetalSucks doesn't agree with us, which you might like if you like things in the world that are wrong. Read their wholly illegitimate response here.