Last week, Beyonce decided to shoot a music video in a fairground. Like all great music videos, it involved the most important people in her life that she doesn’t want within three feet of her. The fans.
The park was still open to the general public, so Bey sectioned off her own private area. And then, halfway through the shoot, she decided that her own mini theme park wasn’t enough, and also decided to incorporate a huge Ferris wheel. Her team reportedly shut down the wheel’s power while a couple were still on it, turning what was once a romantic journey on a piece of metal into a period of extended awkwardly repetitive conversation over when they would be allowed down. Doris Hone, the female of the theme park power couple, ended up in tears after the ordeal and is now demanding an apology. Like, Beyonce just shut down your ride girl, people on Twitter threaten to throttle their mother’s to achieve such a fate, and you’re demanding an apology?
To be fair though, Doris did compare the whole experience to 9/11, which is understandable when you realise that the death of thousands of people is perfectly relatable to being stuck on a mechanically safe ride for half an hour. Even park security called Doris out saying that she'd only been on there for eight minutes. While it was clear that Doris wasn’t a fan of Beyonce, it can be reasonably placed that she is about as crazy as half of Bey’s fans. You know, the ones who replay her documentary like it’s going to wear out (pro tip: the internet never runs out), or the ones that have memorised all the words to the Sasha Fierce era hits. And yes, that includes that one weird song where she turned into a psycho bitch. Most fans where happy to get within looking distance of their idol for a dance-off (which she obviously won).
Essentially, Beyonce fans are right up there with One Direction and Justin Bieber fans on the league tables of insanity. Let’s take a look at some of the weirdos.
The Tone Deaf Angel Fan
Bum Slap Fan
If Beyonce subscribed to The Lads Bible, then maybe she’d understand the concept of banter being translated into a fan slapping her ass in front of a thousand people. AmiriteLADs? But, even if Beyonce didn’t understand, at least this fan’s dedication to his idol negated paying all that money just so he could have
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Jezebelgo HAM on him.The “I Probably Need To Get Out A Bit More” Fan
We’ve all been there. It starts with buying a magazine with your idol’s face on, then POW, next thing you know, their face is adorned on your quilted pyjamas which are also scented with their perfume, the only thing you drink is the water that they’ve invested in, and you spend your spare time thinking up relatives who may have cancer just to coax them into a retweet. Congratulations, if that’s you, then you have had an obsession! Above is a fan with that particular ailment.Stampede Fans
Last week, Beyonce decided to shoot a music video in a fairground. Like all great music videos, it involved the most important people in her life that she doesn’t want within three feet of her. The fans.
The park was still open to the general public, so Bey sectioned off her own private area. And then, halfway through the shoot, she decided that her own mini theme park wasn’t enough, and also decided to incorporate a huge Ferris wheel. Her team reportedly shut down the wheel’s power while a couple were still on it, turning what was once a romantic journey on a piece of metal into a period of extended awkwardly repetitive conversation over when they would be allowed down. Doris Hone, the female of the theme park power couple, ended up in tears after the ordeal and is now demanding an apology. Like, Beyonce just shut down your ride girl, people on Twitter threaten to throttle their mother’s to achieve such a fate, and you’re demanding an apology?
To be fair though, Doris did compare the whole experience to 9/11, which is understandable when you realise that the death of thousands of people is perfectly relatable to being stuck on a mechanically safe ride for half an hour. Even park security called Doris out saying that she'd only been on there for eight minutes. While it was clear that Doris wasn’t a fan of Beyonce, it can be reasonably placed that she is about as crazy as half of Bey’s fans. You know, the ones who replay her documentary like it’s going to wear out (pro tip: the internet never runs out), or the ones that have memorised all the words to the Sasha Fierce era hits. And yes, that includes that one weird song where she turned into a psycho bitch. Most fans where happy to get within looking distance of their idol for a dance-off (which she obviously won).
Essentially, Beyonce fans are right up there with One Direction and Justin Bieber fans on the league tables of insanity. Let’s take a look at some of the weirdos.
The Tone Deaf Angel Fan
This fan is the most famous person in this article. OK, second famous to this fan. When Beyonce performed on the X Factor, the fan begged to be given the chance to sing into the microphone. Unfortunately, her enthusiasm for Beyonce beat any sense of immediate talent that she had in her possession. This tone deaf angel delight is perhaps the best visual representation of someone who won’t let anyone stand in the way of their dreams. Even if it means warbling something that sounds like the death rattle of a swan. Where’s vocal angel Joe Mcelderry when you need him? Oh here he is.
Fainting Fan
An urban psalm states that Beyonce’s touch can cure the global AIDS pandemic, while another says that gay men faint easily. Personally, I hang somewhere in the middle. As in, unless “Crazy In Love” is playing, I don’t really give a shit. Beyonce does have a certain power over people, though. Like a modern day Joe Frazier her touch is enough to send its recipient into a quivering wreck.
Bum Slap Fan
If Beyonce subscribed to The Lads Bible, then maybe she’d understand the concept of banter being translated into a fan slapping her ass in front of a thousand people. AmiriteLADs? But, even if Beyonce didn’t understand, at least this fan’s dedication to his idol negated paying all that money just so he could have
Jezebel
go HAM on him.
The “I Probably Need To Get Out A Bit More” Fan
We’ve all been there. It starts with buying a magazine with your idol’s face on, then POW, next thing you know, their face is adorned on your quilted pyjamas which are also scented with their perfume, the only thing you drink is the water that they’ve invested in, and you spend your spare time thinking up relatives who may have cancer just to coax them into a retweet. Congratulations, if that’s you, then you have had an obsession! Above is a fan with that particular ailment.
Stampede Fans
Running to something is always the best way to get there, it works for the bus or tube but probably not so well if you want to be the first to meet Beyonce when there's a thousand people in front of you. Beyonce is a stationary being and won’t disappear if you are a few minutes later, especially if every fan wants to tell her how talented she is (she knows, she thanks God like a million times a mintute). This particular incident involved Beyonce’s appearance at a Good Morning America concert where fans stampeded in an attempt to meet Queen B. Calm down people, she's obviously going to spend the neccesary amount of time getting to know you and of course you're going to follow each other back. Really, the standard way to admire someone is from a distance, secretly cursing their existence.
Running to something is always the best way to get there, it works for the bus or tube but probably not so well if you want to be the first to meet Beyonce when there's a thousand people in front of you. Beyonce is a stationary being and won’t disappear if you are a few minutes later, especially if every fan wants to tell her how talented she is (she knows, she thanks God like a million times a mintute). This particular incident involved Beyonce’s appearance at a Good Morning America concert where fans stampeded in an attempt to meet Queen B. Calm down people, she's obviously going to spend the neccesary amount of time getting to know you and of course you're going to follow each other back. Really, the standard way to admire someone is from a distance, secretly cursing their existence.Follow Dan @keendangCheck out these related articles!
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