Abz From 5ive is Selling His Brit Award on eBay to Fund Gardening Tools and He is Better Than Us All

UPDATE: Abz' Brit Award is now going for a cool million. That's right. £1,000,000.00 after 183 bids.

You know that episode of Friends where Joey accepts an award on behalf of someone else and then he and Rachel struggle to give it back because they both really enjoy pretending it's theirs? Ever wish you could get your hands on an actual award that somebody else won for actually being good at something so you can live life vicariously through their achievments, because we're already nine months into the year and all you've managed to complete is a Nando's rewards card? Well, now you can live that dream authentically, because Abz Love aka "Abz" - former member of Five; the one that did the rapping - is selling his legitimate Brit Award for "Newcomer Best Pop Act 2000" on eBay.

Abz currently stars in the BBC 2 show Abz on the Farm (which occupies the prime time Sunday evening slot, just saying) and is apparently selling the Brit "to fund a delivery of topsoil and maybe some garden tools".

The instinctual reaction to this is to think, "Oh, that's quite depressing, isn't it? Imagine winning a Brit Award, a trophy to look upon when you're old and sagging gracelessly towards death and think to yourself 'at least I achieved, once', and having to sell it to buy shovels that for some reason the BBC can't provide."

But, actually, it's not depressing at all. What's depressing is everyone else clinging to their possessions for dear life as though they symbolise any sort of relevance. Abz has sacked off the music industry, fled the city and bought a smallholding in Llandeilo. Abz is a free man. He's off the grid!

"Take advantage of my poverty and grab this rare opportunity to own a bit of pop history!!" says Abz, "99p start!!"

See that? That's the sound of a former boyband member ripping the absolute piss out of you and your allegiance to material things. According to Abz, he's dropped the statue on the floor multiple times and it's currently being used as a doorstop. Abz doesn't give a single shit. Forty years after John Lennon sang "imagine no possessions", Abz has finally embodied that truth. And in return for his enlightenment, you can own a piece of pop history and earn 5,000 nectar points.

At the time of writing, the current bid is £5,351. The item is in "Very Good" condition, although he has no feedback to speak of - so bid here at your own risk. For those of you who would prefer to revel with Abz in the joy of material nothingness, please enjoy this photograph commemorating Abz purchasing the deeds to his first chicken instead:

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