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Nerds Won A Competition To Get Macklemore to Play at Their High School but the Teachers Said No Because They Have Good Taste

Finally, someone has managed to prevent Macklemore from mackling.
Emma Garland
London, GB

Macklemore exists and sadly there is nothing anybody can do about that. He copped what was rightfully Kendrick Lamar's Grammy, felt genuinely bad and apologised privately, and then ruined it by making everyone aware that he had apologised - but he mackled on. He performed live dressed as a 19th century Jewish stereotype, tried to brush it off as a "random costume" - and continued to mackle. Just a few weeks ago, he released a music video that plays through like a brief history of scooters and hats in which he rides a motorbike with a literal moose head on the front of it. No matter how hard you might try, you can't stop the mackling. That is, until now.

Annoncering

A high school in California appears to have won a contest to have Macklemore and producer Ryan Lewis perform at the school but, due to complaints from parents and the school administration that Macklemore and Ryan Lewis "promote misogyny and drug use", the school declined the opportunity. Naturally, the kids are pissed about it, and they have taken action the way any millennial justice warrior would: by starting a Change.org petition and an extensive Reddit thread where they make impassioned pleas about how right-on and totally kid friendly Macklemore's music is. Dweebs.

Yes, we suppose something about this does feel a bit unjust. After all, Macklemore is a man with lyrics like "human rights for everybody, there is no difference" and whose song "Same Love" put the issue of gay and lesbian equality on blast even if it was quantified by an inherent "no homo!". Of all the people in mainstream pop and hip-hop who could possibly be accused of promoting misogyny and drug use to the point where they would be denied direct interaction with the youth of today, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis are probably somewhere at the bottom of that list - at least in terms of intention. Macklemore is, if anything, is so desperate to be seen as an ally for all things progressive and so theatrically sincere about his mission that all you can do is allow it. So that can't possibly be the real reason.

I think what the parents and administration of Aliso Niguel High School must mean is that Macklemore's music is total fucking garbage. Poison to children's ears. Poison so corrosive that they have taken a collective stand to prevent Macklemore from mackling, lest their children start lying about going to their mate's house for a sleepover when really they're hanging out in a bad part of town, learning to mackle. Basically what they're saying to their children is: you guys suck and we want you to suck less.

The most unfortunate thing about all this is that the prize of Macklemore would also have included a $10,000 grant for the school's music programmes. Is that a fair price to pay for Macklemore to mackle less? Is a free gift of ten thousand actual dollars to go towards the development of the seriously under-funded arts departments in a public high school honestly worth turning down because "Thrift Shop" is one of the worst things to happen to music since "The Ketchup Song" by Las Ketchup?

I guess, for some, it is. America has spoken.

our school finally gets to experience something fun and then this happens. wow. #bringbackmack @macklemore pic.twitter.com/Z76bTCUaKN

— coral (@coralbustos) October 13, 2015