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Music

Ten Things YG Can't Do Because He's a Blood

Including bank with Chase, eat Oreos, and have Geico insurance.

YG’s My Krazy Life hit the streets last week and it’s excellent. It’s LA rap at its best: fun and party-friendly without shying away from the ugly realities of the streets. Being a Blood means drive-bys, robbery, and other threats to life, limb and property on a constant basis. But it also takes its toll on your personal aesthetic.

The several-decade-old war between Bloods and Crips has also been a battle between red and blue and between the letters “B” and “C”. You can thank these rules for every oddly-spelled West Coast rap name (including Aloe Blacc -- “ck” stands for “crip killer” and is to be avoided!). Suge Knight allegedly strong-armed Warren G into re-writing his verse on “Ain’t No Fun” to clarify that he was driving a red car because of Knight’s Blood affiliation.

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YG stricts to the script and so My Krazy Life has a song called “Bickin Back Bein Bool” which is the anti-”C” idea taken to a pretty silly extreme. So how far does he take it? Here are some things YG’s Blood-affiliation might make him avoid.

1) Banking with Chase That “C” and all that blue are not gonna fly in Bompton. Catch YG over at Bank of America, where his account got six figures.

2) Eating Oreos That blue packaging is disrespectful to the turf. YG will be having Krispy Kreme donuts for dessert.

3) Drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon And that's why there are no ironic dive bars on the 400 block of Spruce St.

4) Using a Hoover vacuum cleaner YG should take that rap money and buy a Dyson. They're like the Cadillac of vacuum cleaners, plus they don't share a name with a legendary Crip set.

5) Rooting for CC Sabathia If he changed it to CK he might sell a grip of jerseys in South Central though.

6) Using USPS mailboxes Can't trust a blue metal box with the kites to your loved ones.

7) Having Geico Insurance YG is not about to let that gecko and those cavemen C-walk all over his premiums. And fuck Flo from Progressive, that room she lives in has too much blue in it.

8) Signing to Blue Note Records If there's a jazz side-project in YG's future, it will be out on Red Records, obviously.

9) Watching "True Detective" Rename that shit Barbosa.

10) Listening to "Tangled Up In Blue" But the rest of Blood on the Tracks is all good!

Skinny Friedman is a writer, DJ, and bontent breator living in Brooklyn. He's on Twitter - @skinny412