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Music

Making Friends and Avoiding Frostbite at Montreal's Igloofest

We went to Montreal's biggest and coldest outdoor concert in order to prepare you.

Montreal does things a little bit differently. Our bars close at 3AM, our lap dances are full contact, we buy our beer at the supermarket and if you’ve ever tried to get by around here with your 9th grade French, you know that we stretch Canada’s other official language to its breaking point. Which is to say that by the rest of Canada’s standards, we’re completely nuts — the beating, turnt up heart of a province that's always on the verge of breaking off on its own. It's the place where you got that one regrettable tattoo, the city where foodies are more likely to flock to Martin Picard’s duck-fat infused heart attacks than any sort of vegan-friendly rabbit food.

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We also dance outside in the dead of Winter. At night. In snow storms. For days in a row.

Since 2007, years before North America’s EDM boom was anything more than a glimmer in Calvin Harris’ eye, Montrealers and a motley gang of tourists have been dancing to the sounds of Igloofest, North America’s premier outdoor winter music festival. The idea is as simple as it is insane: you zip up your snowsuit, preferably an 80s onesie, the cheesier the better, and head out into the frigid night to dance the post-Christmas blues away to the sound of some of dance music’s best and brightest. It’s a test of will and a showdown between man and the elements in defiance of a climate that’s harsh enough to convince all but the most dedicated to hibernate until March. It’s also a hell of a lot of fun, and the last chance anyone in this city gets to enjoy themselves until Spring.

The key to a happy Igloofest is preparation. If you think you can just stroll in and start dancing, you’ll get an up close and personal look at how the province’s health care system handles pneumonia patients, -25 Celsius is no joke. First, buy your tickets ahead of time – those long, outdoor lines will leave you drained before you even step in. Second, those snowsuits aren’t just French Canadian irony, they’re the difference between making it to the end of the headliner’s set and the long walk of shame back to the subway mid way through. Third, do like all Montrealers and get your pre-party on. In years past, crafty revelers could sneak in booze with minimal effort, but 8 years in, security knows every hidden pocket and the pat downs are thorough. Unless you plan on having that metal flask stuck to your crotch all night long, chug it before you walk in and grab a $10 beer.

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Of course, there’s nothing to stop you from sneaking in your herbal or chemical refreshments of choice, and like any good dance music festival, both are plentifully available at the show. Mercifully, thanks to Montreal’s flair for the European, dance music’s been part of the city’s fabric for a while now which means that overenthusiastic teenagers asking if you’ve seen Molly are a rarity. Instead, you’re more likely to meet your new best friend in the line for the toilets, a French exchange student who won’t shut up about how his English is better when he isn’t high and how bad the job situation is back home. Humor him: talking keeps the blood flowing while you wait. Besides, spotting homies in the giant mass of parkas in front of the main stage is like trying to find Waldo, so this bro’s your posse now. As you wander around the site, there’s plenty to keep you occupied without ever even setting foot on the dance floor. From ice sculptures to free marshmallows to a Jagermeister-sponsored ice slide, the chill out area is half corporate sponsorship, half winter wonderland and that’s before you even bump into an Argentine girl in a giant squirrel suit or a 50 year old Quebcois auntie and her Italian husband. Therein lies one of Igloofest’s best kept secrets: snowsuits are the great equalizer. Fat, thin, old, young, ugly or hot, no one can tell when you’re wrapped up like Kenny and that makes Igloofest one of the most egalitarian dance floors you’re ever likely to see.

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But what about the music? While attending Igloofest requires some prep work, once you’re in it’s best to go with the flow. Sure you may want to catch say, Levon Vincent, whose excellent House set had people bouncing, but be sure to check out the newly refurbished second stage with a massive sound system and top local acts. The line up varies by night, usually centering on a tasteful but crowd-pleasing mix of big room House and Techno with occasional dips into Disco, Drum & Bass, Trap, Dubstep and Hip-Hop. Thankfully, there’s rarely any brodacious EDM in sight, proving French influence is good for more than food and wine.

Around midnight, tired, sore and with a craving for poutine or smoked meat, you’ll walk out along with thousands of your fellow party people, into the night. Now’s the time to check your phone for that sick after party that girl you met by the ice bar invited you to – there will be dozens and the good ones will go on long into the night, in St-Laurent apartments or Mile End lofts. You might have to shed some layers or order an extra hot chocolate, but it’ll be worth it. Unless you didn’t follow our advice to bundle up, at which point you probably look like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining. Go home, defrost and hit up Netflix, there’s always tomorrow.

Son Raw is a Montreal based writer and DJ. Find him on le Twitter.