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Music

What Musicians Were Wearing and Sharing on Instagram This Week 3/29

So much random going on this week on the Instagrams.

There was so much random going on this week on the Instagrams. Either people were still stupid from SXSW, or everyone was all fucked up over Zayn leaving One Direction. Anyway, here’s what I found.

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Real talk, Azealia Banks is right. What’s better than just hanging out eating ice cream with your plastic boyfriend? But noooooo, he wants to “explore his options” with that Bobble Head bitch on the shelf at Spencer’s and can’t commit. And you know he comes from good stock. Look how long his tongue is! Maybe your bow looks stupid and he’s no longer into you. It’s definitely the bow.

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Now that Iggy Azalea has some team of 50 managing her social media accounts, she’s so boring. Nobody cares about your Vogue spread, Iggy. Say something bad about Papa John’s or homeless people. You’re only as good as your last offensive post.

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So The Weeknd is closing out Coachella. This message is for all the white girls who will attend wearing their offensive Native American headdresses like they’re the chief of their tribe of idiots. Good news for you gals!

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I know I sound like R. Kelly at this point, but how hot is Raury?

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So Wale threw a professional wrestling party called #WaleMania. I’m glad we’ve decided as a society to accept men’s fascinations with wrestling well into their adulthood. It’s such a sexy obsession for them to have. No really, tell me more about Hulk Hogan. That kind of talk makes me wanna count the steps to your bedroom.

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Questlove posts an Instagram pic of Cinnamon Roll Cap’n Crunch and the Cap’n sends him a personalized hair pick. I post a picture of bacon, and I get replies from vegan Instagram accounts with pig emojis and guns to their heads. How is that fair?

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I still can’t tell if Rihanna looks like Cara Delevingne or Drake on this new single cover.

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The Jason mask thing is kind of old, but somehow Game and Dej Loaf make it look super cool. I’m excited about this song they’re releasing. I’m usually excited about anything involving The Game. Especially his shirtless pictures.

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Is it me or is Rick Ross getting some guns? I mean his arms, btw.

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Zayn needs to stop posting these pics of One Direction with these pensive emo messages attached to them. You’re leaving to be “normal,” but you’re exceptionally hot, so chances are you’ll never be normal, Sir. Who is going to really allow you to play Frisbee in the park with your dog when you look like that and you used to be in One Direction? Never happen. Unless you’re trolling us all, and you’re going to pull a Justin Timberlake or a Beyoncé soon?

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RelationshipGoals. As an aside, shout out to that hatin’ ass bird to the left, and a bigger shout out to Ellie for pointing her out.

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Estelle sat on a panel at NYU this past week, and the only reason why I am posting this is because I was also on the panel. #ShamelessPlug #Humblebrag

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Here, Meek Mill looks like some sad loner hailing a cab after a lonely night in the city because everyone swiped left on Tinder…

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…but when he’s straddled by Nicki Minaj he looks like the man!

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Miley agrees, and so she’s serving us face and chesticles. Kathy Iandoli is on Twitter.