Now that Chris Hadfield is done with all his astronaut bullshit, he can finally launch the singer/songwriter career he has always wanted. Sure, he had a lucrative and distinguished job, but all he ever really wanted was to sing! Through the wonders of satellite technology, social media, and Can-Con arts funding, we have all been able to experience his midlife crisis together. We cried as a nation when he covered David Bowie's "Space Oddity" from outer space, listened in awe as he performed "Is Somebody Singing" with the Barenaked Ladies from the International Space Station, and meditated on world peace when he sent out tweets like this one. He made us wonder: Are we all connected? Can music end wars? Is there actually nothing better to do in space than dick around with a guitar and a smart phone?But nothing could prepare us for this. Hadfield's latest hit single, "In Canada," features him and his brother Dave hanging out at their cottage and listing off all the things they love about Canada. Its deep and controversial topics include things like fresh water, fishing, canoes, poutine, the words "eh" and "sorry," and the fact that Canadians are polite, accepting, unaggressive, and just generally down home folk who love everyone. They called it "a polite song from two brothers who are just hoping your day is going okay," backed with "The most Canadian music video ever."At best, it's gratingly cliched. At worst, it's a big middle finger to anyone who does't fit into a narrow Canadian identity, where non-white people don't exist, everyone is affluent enough to own a lakefront cottage, and cities are for bad people. But there's only so much that can be explained through words, so let's just watch it together:[0:22] "We've got great big cities, but a lot of trees and rocks."
So anyone listening from a city can just FUCK OFF because this song's about the #RealCanada.[1:07] "Some of us eat kielbasa, some of us poutine."
Finally a song that can unite Canada's two ethnic food eating groups: the Polish and the drunk.[1:27] "But we have out traditions, that help us stick together… Hockey Night on Saturday, there on CBC, or now on Sportsnet!"
LOLZ @ 2,000 JOBS CUT![1:46] "I'm a player in Canada"
My wife calls me Chris SWAGfield, nah mean?[1:43] "We pronounce the letter 'R' like we're pirates on a ship"
What happens in space stays in space, Chris. It's none of our business.[2:14] "And we do possess a word that lubricates our speech, it's pretty good, eh?"
I don't get it, what word?[2:38] "Drop your 'G' in Canada"
At first I thought he said "Drop your jeans," and I liked that more.[2:58] "I've crossed the great St. Lawrence, said merci beaucoup"
Aren't you a globe trotter, Mr. Astronautpants![3:31] "Every city empties on the 24th of May, Queen's birthday!"
Except if you, like, can't afford to own two homes.[3:36] "And if we say not bad, we're better than okay"
So if I say this song is bad, that means…?[3:41] "There's workman's comp and pogie, for when we're shown the door"
Unless you're already one of the millions of unemployed, underemployed, or vulnerable status workers whose jobs don't even qualify them for welfare. Oops, I got all heavy. Sorry!
Look. There's nothing wrong with writing a heartfelt homage to your country, but why not dig a little deeper than some superficial stereotypes that people from around the world already use to make fun of you? If you want people to think of Canada as a country where drunk people in flannel say "eh?" and "sorry" while they run from bears, then that's cool for you, but don't drag the rest of us into it.It would also be nice if Chris Hadfield used his newly-found cultural influence to address some of the problems chipping away at Canada's awesomeness. Like that CBC quip - okay, good joke, but the CBC might not actually exist in a few years. Want to say something about that? Or how about taking a public stance against the Conservatives' slashing of the Canadian Space Agency? It's the reason you're famous, the reason you can buy that lake front cottage, but the same opportunity might not be available to younger Canadians. Why not fight back?Instead, Chris Hadfield is busy singing about rocks and lakes, paying no attention as the Canadian values he loves become things of the past.Greg Bouchard owns zero cottages - @gregorybouchard
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So anyone listening from a city can just FUCK OFF because this song's about the #RealCanada.[1:07] "Some of us eat kielbasa, some of us poutine."
Finally a song that can unite Canada's two ethnic food eating groups: the Polish and the drunk.[1:27] "But we have out traditions, that help us stick together… Hockey Night on Saturday, there on CBC, or now on Sportsnet!"
LOLZ @ 2,000 JOBS CUT![1:46] "I'm a player in Canada"
My wife calls me Chris SWAGfield, nah mean?
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What happens in space stays in space, Chris. It's none of our business.[2:14] "And we do possess a word that lubricates our speech, it's pretty good, eh?"
I don't get it, what word?[2:38] "Drop your 'G' in Canada"
At first I thought he said "Drop your jeans," and I liked that more.[2:58] "I've crossed the great St. Lawrence, said merci beaucoup"
Aren't you a globe trotter, Mr. Astronautpants![3:31] "Every city empties on the 24th of May, Queen's birthday!"
Except if you, like, can't afford to own two homes.[3:36] "And if we say not bad, we're better than okay"
So if I say this song is bad, that means…?[3:41] "There's workman's comp and pogie, for when we're shown the door"
Unless you're already one of the millions of unemployed, underemployed, or vulnerable status workers whose jobs don't even qualify them for welfare. Oops, I got all heavy. Sorry!