The first season of True Detective ended last night and you know you have to get some #content out there. But you're moving pretty slow this morning after that viewing party with Ginger and the crew and all the Lone Star, and Beth took her sweet time leaving for her job at the T-Mobile store. It's already getting kind of late and your editor is IMing you like "waddup" but you got nothing. What are you gonna do?Fortunately for you, I have an unlimited supply of thinkpiece pitches about rap. I don't want to write any of these and I sure as hell wouldn't read them, but I bet you can get someone to pay you for them all the same. So pour up a muddy cup of coffee into that Big Hug Mug and get to pontificatin', nerd.1) In the end, True Detective had no mythological payoff—or did it? Compare the inevitable Reddit-fueled analysis of the final episode with the endless search for signs of the Illuminati in Jay Z videos.2) Discuss True Detective crashing HBO GO, De La Soul, the challenges of digital delivery, how we consume rap music, mixtape sites, Record Store Day etc. Also consider True Detective's "limited supply" model in contrast to the "quantity over quality" mentality that prevails in rap today. Bonus points if you can work in jukeboxes.3) Rewrite True Detective scenes with Ghostface and Raekwon as Rusty and Marty. "Ayo Chef, throw the joint in the Sheriff's mouth!"4) True Detective has a lack of female characters and women are underrepresented in rap. Both are very popular. What does this say? (Be careful not to slut-shame anyone!)
5) Who was the most #based character on True Detective? Would Lil B and Based God have been able to more effectively close the case? Is Kevin Durant the Yellow King? Does the Yellow King have cutie lay-ups?6) Consider True Detective as a metaphor for the wrong-headed way society holds Chief Keef and friends responsible for the entire city of Chicago's ills. Just as killing the man with the scars failed to take down the far-reaching Satanic pedophile conspiracy, putting an end to Chief Keef's career will do little to fix the gang-ridden neighborhoods from whence he came. There may be a whole lot of darkness, but Keef, Durk, Chance, Tink, and every other buzzing Chicago rapper are the stars in the night sky. As long as there's some light, the light is winning.7) That fucking scene where they played a KRS-One song from 1987 in the strip club in 1995 is still infuriating. Write 1000 words on this shit and see if there's a German word for "the opposite of appropriation."8) Where do Rusty's best philosophical ramblings rank in the pantheon of rap skits? How does "death created time to grow the things that it would kill" compare to "Deez Nuts"9) True Detective is a metaphor for the lost friendship between Biggie and Tupac. The two were great friends but a noxious mixture of politics, turf wars, money and industry bullshit drove them apart. The show is an alternate history in which the two greatest rappers of all time put aside their difference to attack the forces conspiring against them head on.10) Is Macklemore the True Detective?Skinny Friedman is disappointed in you, son. Apologize to him on Twitter - @skinny412
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