Features

What If @Seinfeld2000 Reviewed Lou Reede's Review of 'Yeezus'?

By @Seinfeld2000

0

Hey wats up! I am @Seinfeld2000 and my job is to just go "hmm, what if Seinfeld the TV show was still in the TV today, like if NBC hadent canceled it in 1998 becuase basicly nobody was watching it any more, what would that even be like? Like, how would Jery, Gurge, Elane and Krantanders deal w blu ray disc, iPod shufle, and KFC Doubel Down, every thing thats define our modarn world today?"

K, so, remeber Lou Reede? He use to be a cool musician back in the days or whatever. Like he was in that band that Andy Werhol designe a banana for the albem cover. One of his latest project's is called 'Lulu' and its Lou Reede colabarate with Metalaca. Have you heard this albem? Honestly I havent heard it yet but on paper it sound like a modarn clasic! Two of the legit "GODS OF ROCKEN ROLL" coming tgether for a grand old msterclass in rocking the fuck out. Are you kiding me?? Theres no way this wont be amazeing!

So I just bought it via iTune's and Im clicking play. Im just gona listen to whoale albem now, brb

*90 minite later*

k I just listened to 'Lulu' - OMG its terible!!!!!!!!!! Im glad I downloded it ilegaly!! (I lied earlier when i said i bought it on iTune's). 1 sec, just going to move this whoale albem into my computer's Trash Can imediately.

Any way, so Lou Reede defenitely found a way to stay modarn by reveiwing Kanye West new albem "Yezus" for a web site that no one has ever heard of called The Talk House. All I got to say is, look out Sashe Frere Joans becuase Lou Reede might have you're job soon!

No but serieusly, I think its totaly fresh that a man whose 71 year's old (not Sashe Frere Joans, I mean Lou Reede) can defenitely listen to hip-hop beat's and give his opinen. I hope he keep going! The street's is hungry for more of Lou Reede opiniens! Lou Reede cant leave reivewing rap alone, the game need's him! I wonder what Lou Reede think of the new J-Cole? Does he think Cole actualy "Let Nas Down"? What does Lou Reede think of Chance The Raper? Is Lou Reede stoke for the A$AP Ferg albem? So many questien's!

Any way, I just read Lou's review of 'Yezus' and now id like to present the OFICIEL 10 best part's of his 'Yezus' review.

10. "Kanye West is a child of social networking and hip-hop."

K, dont wory guys, Im prety sure Lou's not being literel here. But imagen if sociel networking and hiphop had a child IRL? It would be a hideus monster! It would be like when Jeff Goldbloom went into the teleportar with The Fly in the clasic Daved Cronerberg film The Fly. Or maybe it would be like The Elephent Man in the clasic Daved Lynch film The Elephent Man.

9. "And he knows about all kinds of music and popular culture."

This is grate, it really make me LOL becuase its so condesending! Id love to see Lou Reede saying this IRL while pating a silent Kanye West on the head and then feeding Kanye west a peanut for knowing so much abt music and populer culture.

8. "People say this album is minimal.  And yeah, it's minimal.  But the parts are maximal."

To quote Cosmos Krame from 'Sienfeld' - "You just blew my mind." I need you to realy study this sentence and understand how mastefuly Lou Reede hit us with the "one-two" combenatien punch! So first he go's "Poeple say this album is minimal" and its like, "sure im with you Lou." Then he go "And yeah, its minemal," and its like "Im still with you Lou but WHERE are you going w this?" Then he hit you: "But parts are maximal!" And its just like, "Ok i totaly need a klenex now becuase Lou "Five Mic In The Source" Reede just took a turn to the left so sharp that im prety sure I have a nosebleede. Its like WHAT? Dont worry, he backs it up after that by mansplaining that the albem have instrument's on it.

7. "Each track is like making a movie."

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa woah, slow down Lou Reede, I dont know if I can wrap my mind around the complexety of youre metephors!! Speaking of which...

6. "It's like farting."

I dont even think i need to explane to you why this is the best sentence ever writen in the histery of music journelism.

5. "Then there's the obligatory endless blowjobs and menages-a-trois."

Remember the epsode of 'Seinfeld' when jery trys to do "The roomate swich" by geting his GF who dosent laugh to dump him by propose that he do a "menage a trois" with her and her smokeing hot roomate who has a realy grate laugh! But then shes into it. Then when Gerge is salavateing he go "Well defenitely you have to do sex intercorse with both of them at the same time!" But Jery say, "I cant be orgy guy!" And Jery say no to her! That was halarious.

Anyway i know i didnt get to the number one fave part of the Lou Reede review of Yezus but i realy do have to go now.

 

Fined Jary on Twet - @Seinfeld2000

Comments

Let's Be Friends