Thug Lite: The Scourge Of Lame Rap Beefs

I live vicariously through hip-hop beefs. As a polite, suburban British girl there’s nothing better than a good rap ruckus to act as catharsis, making up for all those times when someone’s pissed me off but I’ve only got round to thinking of the best comeback ev-ar weeks later

So speaking of beefs, last week Pusha T revived his with Lil Wayne, taking shots at Young Money on new single "Exodus 23:1", with the line…

"Contact all fucked up, I guess that means you all fucked up/ You signed to one nigga, that's signed to another nigga, that's signed to three niggas, now that's bad luck."

A clear criticism of Weezy and his label's business acumen…ZING! . Lil Wayne responded by Tweeting…

“Fuk pusha t and anybody that love em”

And followed it up this weekend with the equally anti-climatic "Ghoulish", a whole minute and a half worth of zingers including, "His head up his ass so i'ma have to head butt him", oooh, BURN! If you remember, the feud began way back in 2006 when Weezy randomly lost his shit during an interview, branding Pusha and the other half of Clipse, Malice, non-entities in the rap game. This was followed by some subliminal cussing, including Clipse's track "Mr Me Too". Yet, this week's rekindling of the beef just seems a bit "meh" right? I mean, Jesus eff, responding on Twitter? Can you imagine Wayne furiously mashing that response into his smartphone, pressing send and being all like, “Yeah, that showed HIM”. And it’s like, c’mon guys both of you are geeting on, plus one's been dancing around in a video with Pixie Lott and the other's enabled Nicki Minaj to become a living, rapping Furby. Both of you should be past taking pot-shots.

So, to bemoan the demise of the good rap beef, here's a look back at some of the lamest to happen:

Drake VS Common

These two locked horns when Common implied Drake was soft for singing on his records on "Sweet". Drake sort of responded on "Stay Schemin'" and so began the first underwhelming back-and-forth beef of 2012. Either could’ve come out with the best diss verses in the history of cussing people, but it would still have washed over us like a tidal wave of yawn. Call me old fashioned, but I just think you should probably leave your battles to rappers who don’t come across like they spend their weekends shopping for Egyptian cotton bed sheets.

Nelly VS KRS One

This scores lame points for sheer ridiculousness. One contestant was at the forefront of hip-hop's beginnings. The other had a smash hit with “Hot In Here”, sorry, “Hot In Herrrrrrrrrrre”. Nelly decided to take on the titan, in response to a throwaway comment KRS-ONE made about rap today having too many vacuous (but sexy) party anthems. Anyway, after some admirable shots from Nelly, akin to a weedy 9-year-old boy swinging punches at a giant while being held back by the forehead, KRS put the disupute to rest with this final diss track.

Azealia Banks VS the world

Hey have you released an album yet? No? Sit down.

And conversely…Lil Kim VS the world

I always think Kim will be the G.O.A.T, but it still won’t change that she doesn't write her own rhymes :’(

Lil Romeo versus Lil Bow Wow

Lil Romeo took offence to Lil Bow Wow bragging that he had more money than his daddy Master P on "Fresh Azimiz". After some verbal sparring, things really picked up heat when Romeo decided to confront Bow Wow at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards (seriously) WITH HIS DAD, where Bow Wow hid behind his security. So, pretty much like getting your mom to walk you into school to yell at your bullies, rather than plotting their downfall yourself. Jeez.

Eminem versus Insane Clown Posse

This ongoing feud, apparently started over a dig Eminem made at the duo on a club night flyer, which then escalated to D-12 and ICP bombing round Detroit having a paintball gun fight, probably to the theme tune of Benny Hill. Eminem continued to take shots at ICP throughout his career, proving how much of an over-sensitive douche he is. Why on earth, when you have one of the most lauded debut albums in modern music, would you continue trollin' on an outfit that is solely responsible for juggalos and credits "fuckin' magnets/ how do they work" as one of their prize lyrics? Nevertheless, it resulted in one of the weakest diss tracks ever, ICP remixing "My Name Is" (badly) into "My Anus" :( providing further evidence, that the fine art of 'beef' is best left to the professionals.