Kate Moss Has Made the Track of the Year

A weekly roundup of anything fashion-related that's made us excited about having bodies that we can dress with clothes.

KATE MOSS IS A RAPPER?

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Sorry, but I really hope I'm not the only person who thinks this song is the epitome of that feeling when you've just got out of the bath and you're drinking vodka-lemonade on your own, standing naked in front of your mirror trying to decide which colour eyeshadow to wear. AKA, the pre-lash for people who don't like saying lash.

Yes, it's Kate Moss "singing", which we all had quite enough of when she decided to feature on a Babyshambles track really not that long ago, before marrying Jamie Hince and secretly hoping she could usurp Alison Mosshart and become a fully fledged rockstar in her own right. But, to be honest, this track makes me think of old Vogue documentaries where everyone had a monthly "wardrobe budget" that they didn't even need to spend on their escalating cocaine habits because it was the early 90s and everything was free and everyone was skinny and everyone wore thigh-high boots in posh cars and wore feather boas unironically and, and, and.

RICK OWENS GOT LOADS OF CLAPS AT PFW YESTERDAY

Rick Owens infused a healthy dose of girl power into his Paris fashion week show. And by that, I don't mean leopard print crop-tops and Geri Halliwell rasping about empowerment, I mean the literal power of a professional step team, who Owens called on to model his latest collection.

Thumping across the catwalk, accessorising with the kind of hilarious scowls usually sported by the editors who didn't make the front row, Owens picked up on all the health, gender and age issues associated with fashion week, and fucking owned the entire argument.

The collection looked a bit like the half-finished muslin knock-ups designers tack into place when they're devising their preliminary looks, which might be Owens telling us in no subtle way that we're not quite ready for what he's doing this season. The world isn't ready – the clothes aren't even ready – but you know what? I'm ready to be ready. Does that count?

GOGO PHILLIPS THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

Crystals are nice, aren't they? They're pretty looking and you can convince yourself that they'll cleanse your aura or stop you from catching a cold if you're a bit mental, which is reassuring. Gogo Philips' new crystal collection is also pretty, probably because it's largely made up of big sparkling gems that you can shove your fingers into while pretending that they're worth thousands of pounds and you're some kind of glamorous goddess fallen from the skies.

The video for the collection is also great, because who doesn't love watching hot models spinning around on a fur box while made up to look like Napoleon Dynamite's girlfriend on her QVC debut?

M.I.A X VERSACE

To say I’m sick of Versace might come off as a little blasphemous to Anna Dello Russo and all the devout Drake-ists out there. But I am. What with all the hypebeasts trying to out vintage each other and the incessant Migos remixes to emerge after Drizzy dropped his verse, I've had it with all those gold wallpaper shirts and eye-straining tropical patterns.

So, I’m not exactly thrilled that M.I.A has partnered with Donatella’s Versus offshoot to bring us her spin on the label. But hey, I fangirl for M.I.A like any other young woman with an internet connection and a basic grasp on how to properly live her life, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt until the collection drops in a couple of weeks. That said, if it sucks, she's dead to me.

Follow Bertie on Twitter: @bertiebrandes

Previously – The Marques Almeida Sample Sale is Making Me Really Nervous