The Anatomy of an SXSW Selfie

I am not exactly sure why these pictures appeared on my phone/twitter account a few nights ago, but this is my thought process as I can best imagine it.

Oh man, the first night of SXSW kicked untold ass. All these suits, babes, and brews, this was some real shit. They love me over at VICELAND, I just filed some kickass copy. My editor blowing up my phone telling me how much I rule. Goddamn I’m slaying this. Step up in the blogspot stuntin’ like a young Internet content generator supposed to.

Hold on, gotta jimmy the john.

Holy. Shit. I look so hot right now. Should I tweet that? “i look so hot rn,” no. I need to document this shit. How else can I satisfy the thirst of the Twitter masses? I gotta show them the real thing.

I ain’t gonna smile. Gotta flip the bird to show how much I’m over it, just like I’m in DIIV. Fuck. I wish Fred Durst was here, he’d get it.

What the hell is this flash bullshit? This phone doesn’t even get it. Hold on…

Goddamnit. Too many relevant altbabes on my home turf right now to blow this. The pressure; people suing me. I’m selfie-ing, acting like it’s just you and me. I’m too beautifully haggard for this shit. I’ve even been lying to people and saying I have a Sacred Bones tattoo. Ugh, I hate SXSW. Young Jeezy Voice for all of this.

Wait, maybe this is a sign. Maybe this is proof that a man standing alone in the Omni bathroom trying to take pictures of himself in a mirror is simply not the way life was meant to be led. I should go home, eat some pancakes, and sob into my pillow. Nobody wants to see dude selfies, that’s a level of desperation that I am not willing to sink to. Maybe the Twitter thirst should not be quenched. I can be so much more than that.

Fuck.

HELL YEAH! It’s all over now. Clear the fucking streets out Austin. Alright let’s tweet this. “thirsty?,” No, too forward. “I’m being tickled ;),” good, but not quite. I gotta go with something cute. Play it cool, Winkie. How about “SXSW SELFIE.” Hell yeah that’s perfect, they’ll literally never know. Fuck I can’t wait for these mentions, my 3am DM game is gonna be off the HOOOOOOOOOK. Tweet sent.

Luke Winkie's inessential non-coverage of SXSW continues on Twitter - @luke_winkie