Songs To Hate-F*ck To

As Noisey's Associate Editor Sasha Hecht tweeted yesterday afternoon:

If you're not using the term "hate-fuck" at least once per day, you need to look at your life and look at your choices.

— Sasha Hecht (@sashahecht) August 21, 2012

Yeah, girl…I feel you. So, if you're practicing your recommended daily dosage of hate-fuck thoughts, you'd better have a soundtrack to fall back on when the hate-fucking actually begins. Happy Hate-Fucking, nut bars!

Fang is always a great band to fuck to, whether it’s hate-fucking or “making love” with your better half. Fucking to Fang works because Sam McBride’s voice is consistent in a way only true psychopath’s can do. Plus, he’s always talking about someone or something that is making him mad. It’s creepy, but it’s also incredibly soothing and does not distract from the task at hand, which is fucking. Fang is hard and it’s always better to fuck to hard music. Drums make a huge difference when you are fucking someone. Plus, even though “Destroy The Handicap” has the best anthem-like, slap-around destruction quality to the pure sonics of the tune, if the person you are fucking pays attention to the lyrics, they will think you are a piece of shit.

(I’m not telling you that Sam McBride went to jail for murdering his girlfriend for a reason, but you are going to find out anyway. Try to NOT think about this when you fuck to Fang, okay?)

If you invite someone back to your place for a raging hate-fuck, you have to set the mood. You throw on the actual Sabbath version of this song and they are so onto you, but you put on Quix*o*tic’s cover (slower, rawer, still super sexualized) and you just that person who knows about the only expectable Sabbath cover ever executed (and not the hate-fucking psycho you really are).

If you are a woman and you are hate-fucking some hot devil you love to hate, this song is the confidence boost you need to really get there. Listen to the song a few times before you fuck to it and remember that the girls who wrote this song were 16-years-old. “Fuck you literally and come and eat my shit.” You can do whatever the fuck you want in bed.

Start to finish, this is a fabulous album to hate-fuck to if only for the fact that the music is so energized, so poppy, so sticky-sick melodic, but these young ladies are pissed off. The lyrics are shockingly dark, but the bubblegum tart pop-rock noise distracts from that. Fucking music should always carry a strong beat with a hidden message. Fuzzbox champion that on this album.

Sometimes, it feels good to hate-fuck to a song you really want to sing along to, like, right in their face.