Growing up as an Afghan in suburban Melbourne, my mum listened to a lot of George Michael and Milli Vanilli. My dad didn't really listen to music. He just worked his ass off. The music that refugees gravitate toward always fascinated me, so when I heard the CIA was using Western music as a torture tactic I thought about how our relationship with culture was shaped by music.As a young larrikin, hanging around Dandenong markets while my dad sold sportshoes, our community was loaded with junkies and heroin dealers; a potent cocktail of nationalities and personalities that led me to save my allowance over a few weeks, head to Sanity in The Plaza and buy "R U Still Down" for $40. When 2Pac started spitting, "I'm sick inside my mind, why you sweatin' me? It's gonna take an army full of crooked ass cops to come and get me!", Being 'woke' is an understatement, I felt like I opened up in the same way you expand on mushrooms when the giggles stop and shit gets real. 2pac lyrically addressed our environment and lifestyle as if he was curbside, right there with us, reassuring us that he had our back.
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After September 11, rap music lost its urgency for me, Afghanistan was suddenly at the forefront of media attention, Ja Rule was at the top of the charts and we transformed from the weird kids that came from an exotic background to public enemy number 1 on every news desk.I remember when a weed dealer from Blackburn played me Slayer's "Reign in Blood" for the first time and the emotional paradox of the twin towers falling man juxtaposed with drone attacks in our villages imploded like a cathartic firework. Rap was like looking at a painting and enjoying the aesthetics; Slayer was like a full throttle expression of how we felt. But in Guantanamo, the CIA had been torturing people like us with the music we found comforting. Maybe there was a prisoner in Guantanamo that was repeatedly forced to listen to "Enter Sandman" and subsequently felt the same feelz as me when I first heard Slayer (FYI Slayer > Metallica). Obviously they hated the situation but I wondered if it was so culturally shocking that it disoriented them into torture.So I decided to team up with a bunch of Iraqi and Afghan refugees to find the worst song to get tortured to, according to the CIA playlist. I met Karim and Najib while playing cricket in Noble Park, we were all Afghans and used our language to covertly communicate on the field. Abdul, Kassim and Aziz were refugees from Iraq that I met at our local barbershop; they paint houses for a living and love blasting the radio all day.
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We listened to each track in my cousin's WRX, because he had two subwoofers and an amp that could make your ears bleed, and timed how long it took before we agreed we'd suffered enough. Here are our peer-reviewed results.
There's something a bit anxiety provoking about the start of this song, especially when you listen real loud, you know she's going to yell during the chorus but you're surprised every time. Also we thought it might be a little too sexy for our pious brothers in Islam. Abdul was the most religious of the group and he kept plugging his seatbelt in and then ejecting it, this made everyone really anxious because he wouldn't stop shuffling around. I don't think the reaction was as bad with this track because we were all pretty familiar with it. Apparently it was even on pop music television channels in the Middle East.Kassim described this song as feeling like someone had his head in a vice and kept turning the lever at different speeds. Abdul was moving back and forth as if he were in some weird hypnotised meditation, or as if he was reciting Quranic verses like kids in madrasas. Either way, he looked very uncomfortable.This song was creepy in the same way innocent kids are fucking creepy in horror movies. I imagine that's what Guantanamo would feel, like a horror movie. The boys looked really deeply disoriented by this one, especially because it was wedged between two completely different genres, it was like a slow churning madness was about to ensue as opposed to a an abrupt kind of shock because it was different.Everyone felt the same way about this track, we felt like it was going somewhere but it just never got there. When he's like TODAYYY at the end, god I was glad it was over (Resisting urge to make t-t-today Billy Madison reference, even though that was exactly how we felt). Karim kept sighing really dramatically. It was as monotonous as I imagine playing a slot machine app would be if there was no money involved.Aziz couldn't handle Eminem's voice. He said his voice in combination with the music made him think of crazy people; "you know like when people are so nice and happy and over exaggerate everything to the point where they look psychotic?" That sounds more like those people in the middle of shopping centres selling skin care products, pal.
10. "Dirrty" – Christina Aguilera
9. "Take Your Best Shot" - Dope
8. "Sesame Street Theme Song"
7. "America" – Neil Diamond
6. "The Real Slim Shady" – Eminem
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5. "Saturday Night Fever" – The Bee Gees
4. "Fuck Your God" – Deicide
3. "I Love You" – Barney Theme
2. "The Beautiful People" – Marilyn Manson
1. The Meow Mix Commercial
Honourable Mentions:
We don't know why the CIA picked this track, it's like they just Googled the most popular Tupac album and picked the title-track. SMH. Clearly the most unsettling was Ghetto Gospel with Elton John."Raspberry Beret" – Prince
I just put this in here because I couldn't believe they tried to torture people with Prince. Idiots. Everybody loves Prince.Follow Mahmood Fazal on Instagram.