Hey Ron! My Cousin's Hot

They say if there’s grass on the field, play ball. But what if that grass shares the same roots as yours? Yes, we’re talking about keeping it in the family. Is incest the best? In this installment of Hey Ron!, Mr. Hemphill gives us his take on why kissin’ cousins are fucking gross.

Hey Ron!

I was at my annual family reunion enjoying a nice hot dog with my High Life when my cousin Angie pulled me away from the party and into the woods. She started trying to make out with me, which I wasn’t into since she’s the same fucking blood. Then she told me that we’re second cousins and it wouldn’t really count as incest. I wasn’t feeling it then, but she’s coming back into town this weekend and wants to see me. Is this fair game? She’s super hot and, after thinking about it, I definitely want to hit it. If it’s not technically fair game, how bad would it be if she and I still fucked around?

All the best,
Daniel

Dear Daniel,

I know for a fact that this question is from a white person, because there’s no way in hell two black cousins are gonna get together and make this happen. We may not be the brightest people, but we’re not that dumb.

You don’t kiss your cousin on the mouth, or have sex with her. Back in the old days, rich white people did it all the time, but that was to keep the money in the family. At least they had a reason. Having sex with your cousin because she’s hot is just plain nasty. I’ll give you some credit for trying to fight it off but, dude, just because she’s coming back into town doesn’t mean you get to have second thoughts of “maybe I can make this work.” It’s NOT gonna work. If her brother or dad finds out you’ll both be living in the street. Period.

If I caught my daughter fooling around with a relative they’d both be dead. I’ll be doing 20-life but I’ll be happy about it ’cause there’s no way in hell my daughter’s gonna have sex with my brother’s son. I’d probably try to kill my brother, too, for raising him to be a jerk.

I can’t even form words together to substantiate why somebody would want to have sex with their own cousin. Dude, pay for some ass! Buy it! Also, you got to remember: She’s the freak. This girl’s got issues. She’s probably on some type of medication. Maybe she’s a nympho. Maybe her father is having sex with her. I don’t know, but there’s a lot of stuff going on behind the curtain nobody’s talking about.

Love,
Ron