This article originally appeared on NOISEY."How much can I get for these?" asked a woman, recently, with a presuming smirk, walking up to the counter of my store with a box of records. I struggled to smile, mustering the energy for the inevitable argument that often comes after that kind of inquiry. I saw what she was holding—some of the biggest albums of the 80s—and the overconfident look in her eyes told me this wouldn't go well.
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With the resurgence of vinyl record sales and renewed attention around the format, countless people have mistakenly convinced themselves that the box of records collecting dust in their garage since the Reagan years is a veritable goldmine. One can imagine the conversations that lead to the pillaging of an attic after a short segment on a local newscast highlighting a burgeoning record store's "Record Store Day" sale.You've seen the story: A reporter with a tight deadline interviews the droves of devoted collectors outside whatever store in wherever middle-of-nowhere town. Cue the footage of the line full of eager shoppers foaming at the mouth for over-priced "exclusive" releases. Cut to the jubilant store owner, detailing how record sales have exploded over the last few years and that this is their Christmas, the sound of the registers working overtime. The whole thing is interspersed with stock footage of money changing hands, and suddenly everyone's an American Digger."Did you see that honey? I bet your old Jethro Tull records are worth a fortune!" is a line I suspect has been uttered verbatim. And as a record store owner, I'm faced with the afflicted burden of having to shatter those poor souls' dreams. I see the look of anticipation slowly turn to ire as I gently tell them that their moldy crate of REO Speedwagon / Van Halen / Journey records is music that is easy to come by, commonplace filler.
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Some people know this and are just hoping to free up some space, make lunch money, and help a local business out. Some are probably going through a messy divorce, and they just want to get rid of their ex's relics. True, sometimes (though very rarely), these boxes hold coveted spoils. I'll never forget the time a woman hurriedly told me to give her "whatever you want" for a box full of first-pressings: Nick Drake, Bowie, Television.This recent visit certainly wasn't one of those times. "Are you kidding me?" the offended woman yelled when I told her I'd pay a couple of dollars each. "He died! And these are originals from the 80s." "I understand ma'am, but Thriller and Bad were two of the highest selling albums of all time, so that means there are literally thousands of these in record stores, basements, flea markets…" She interrupted me to proclaim she'd sell these in "California" for " thousands of dollars". And no, they weren't autographed. To her, I was just a greedy record store owner, waiting to capitalize on her ignorance. But believe me, there is no considerable payout involved in owning a record store in 2016.So what should you do if you're looking to unload your deadbeat uncle's long-forgotten records and want to make sure you aren't being taken for a ride? Pack your boxes, load them up in your mom's SUV, and take them to the local record shop. But first follow these steps so you don't look like an asshole.
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