This Week In Music And Fashion: Miley Cyrus, Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, Chris Brown, and More

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Jan 14, 2015 at 9:07pm PST

How did we get halfway through January already? Like, what part of the calendar did we accidentally rip off to miss half of the first month of 2015? Anyway, there’s a lot to talk about this week, so I’m not going to chat about shit like the weather when we have real things to discuss. like nipples. Everyone loves nipples. There’s some important stuff sprinkled in for balance, but yeah. nipples. Enough of my bullshit, here’s what happened this week in fashion and music.

A photo posted by V Magazine (@vmagazine) on Jan 13, 2015 at 1:25pm PST

If you have an Instagram account, and you don’t follow Miley Cyrus, then you should probably look into getting some sort of life coaching, because clearly your priorities are fucked up. Besides randomly posting pictures of herself as a lazy-eyed baby on slices of pizza, Miley loves a good NSFW flick. Both she and V Magazine “announced” (if that’s what you do on Instagram, with photos) that she is featured in V’s 93rd issue, and the photos are nakedly glorious. It’s V’s Music Issue, and there are four covers including FKA Twigs (also somewhat naked), Sam Smith, Jessie Ware, and Tinashe. Strangely, Miley isn’t on the cover, but she already covered previously V83 in an assortment of looks. While there are some pics from the issue of Miley in wigs and stuff circulating, both the magazine and V posted some Polaroids of Miley showing off her goods (don’t worry, there are tasteful pasties strategically placed and even bath suds in some pics) in the mag outtakes, while the artist formerly known as Ms. Montana posted one of her sitting just completed naked and chillin’ among a pile of books. That’s just how she does. There are many other photos in the issue, so make sure you grab V93 when you can if you like Miley and/or nudity. It’s on stands now.

A photo posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Jan 11, 2015 at 9:49am PST

See, this is how the Carters just take over our thoughts, all day every day. A rumor started a few months back that Beyoncé was pregnant. Then it stopped being a thing. This past week, Bey posted a photo of her buried in the sand on the beach with the sand forming a pregnant belly around her. Suspicions flew once again, yet Bey posted more photos over the last few days showing her back to her normal Beysus weight. However, In Touch reported this week that Beyoncé and Jay Z are expecting Baby #2, and that it will be a boy. They even went into detail about how Jay Z is so happy he is going to have a son to complete the Roc Dynasty, and how Bey struggled with the idea of never giving him a Prince (as if Blue Ivy isn’t fabulous enough). Other sites have piggybacked In Touch’s claim, but nothing is really solid fact. Remember the last time Bey announced she was pregnant during her performance of “Love On Top” at the 2011 VMAs? Maybe she’ll do that again, only this time it’ll probably be written on the side of the Goodyear blimp and floated across the entire world. If she is in fact pregnant, then Kim Kardashian is probably eating her feelings right at this very moment. With fat-free dressing.

Photo by Steve C Mitchell Invision/AP

Grab some tissues, because things are about to get real. So, a teenage bone cancer patient named Gage Garmo had a dying wish to meet Eminem. The non-profit organization Rainbow Connection reached out to Em’s camp to see if he would meet the seventeen-year-old boy, and sure enough, Eminem agreed to see the fellow Michigan native. He went there last Sunday ,and they chatted about school and sports and typical guy stuff. The next day, Gage Garmo passed away. Some people have perfect timing, and Eminem must be one of them. It’s a shame this story had to end this way, but Gage apparently suffered for the last five or so years. A visit from Slim Shady was all he wanted, so a visit from Slim Shady was what he got. Rest In Peace, Gage, and respect to Eminem for doing that for a fan.

So if you’ve heard Nicki Minaj’s latest release, The Pinkprint, you’ll know that a considerable portion of the project deals with Nicki’s breakup with her ex (check out “Bed Of Lies”). It’s the guy we all speculated was her boyfriend, Safaree “SB” Samuels aka Scaff Beezy, who was with Nicki for the last eleven years. Initially, the breakup felt amicable (a little?), but obviously hurtful, since the two were together for so long. Then we saw Nicki out and about with Meek Mill (ruh roh), and it started getting uglier. Soon, Nicki and Safaree were sub-tweeting each other. This came coupled with a spate of intensely intimate interviews on behalf of Nicki – something she hasn’t really done in her five-year tenure in the spotlight. This week, Safaree visited New York radio station Power 105’s The Breakfast Club and started dropping off some gems in a fur vest. The interview felt a little troll-ish (The Breakfast Club asked SB if he had an “allowance” from Nicki), but he did reveal some things like how he felt like an employee and not her man, and then went on to say he basically co-wrote all of her rhymes. There’s a part of me that wants Safaree to have several seats, but at the end of the day this was a real breakup, not some Hollywood uncoupling like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. It is obvious that people got hurt, but hopefully SB isn’t using this to get his rap career started, because nobody cares about that.

Photo by Lucy Nicholson/Associated Press

Somebody in the judicial system wants Chris Brown behind bars for good, since he's officially had his probation revoked from the Rihanna pre-Grammy's incident back in 2009. The reason arrived from what happened last week when a shooting happened at CB's concert at Fiesta Nightclub in San Jose, where five people were shot. No one died though (thankfully). In his probation report, it also referenced that shooting incident at 1OAK back in August during the VMAs when Brown was on stage and Suge Knight was shot six times. So the assumption here is that whenever Chris Brown shows up to something, someone gets shot. He also hasn't completed his 200 hours of community service. The whole situation is bad, and on March 20th Chris will appear in court again about all of this. He was in jail for like a month this Summer, but this one feels more permanent. Conspiracy, or is he just getting what he deserves? Kathy Iandoli does this every other week, and is also on Twitter.