The Best Crossbows on Amazon (for Father's Day, Doomsday Prep, and Giggles)

There comes a day in every person’s life when they must choose between making a credit card payment and buying (another) crossbow. For the curious yet uninitiated, crossbows are basically kissing cousins with a classic bow and arrow/archery sitch, only, the fixed nature of the crossbow’s arrow can give you a little more control. In lieu of fingering your bow like Legolas, crossbows consist of a bow that is fixed crosswise on a wooden or metal stock that in turn directs the projection of your shot. Some historians think it was the predecessor of the catapult, which we’re going to tell our crush, the High Priests Hallshepsut, in the “We Pretend It’s Bronze Age Internet” Facebook group.

But, we digress. We’re not here to tell you what to do with your crossbow—we’ll let your own pristine code of ethics (and local and federal laws) do that—but we’re sure you’ll be a patriot and use it for jolly target practice, a 5th-century Celtic athletics competition, or to sustainably source sassy turkeys for your sweet and sour drumsticks. 

Not to get too emotional, but we’ve been waiting for this moment. As full-time cultural barometers of the purported Great Vibe Shift, we’ve noticed a micro-vibe shift towards the fantastically medieval, as seen through the rise of Enyacore aesthetics, casual chainmail ‘fits, and “Middle Ages Modern” furniture. If ever there was a moment for the crossbow to shine, it’s now. Put one in your windowsill for intimidating aggressive religious canvassers, rude poltergeists, and mean Tupperware salesmen; cop a toy crossbow for your next White Elephant party, or give one to Papa as an unconventional Father’s Day present. 

Whether you’re paying homage to the vibes of Elden Ring, Duck Dynasty, or the Qin Dynasty, there are plenty of crossbows on Amazon for you.

Who doesn’t love a good party crossbow? Not that we’re suggesting that you casually use crossbows of any kind; please, take the time to educate yourself on the proper conduct of these swole contraptions. We are suggesting that you casually drop your love of crossbows at the next company mixer, or slip this high-rated wood crossbow from Amazon into the White Elephant grab bag and tell everyone “It’s one of Werner Herzog’s favorite gifts for children.” 

… Ditto this high-rated mini crossbow equipped with five colorful arrows. Happy Pride! 

RIP John Wick—you would have loved this miniature, blade-shooting crossbow for slicing through hearty French cheeses at the next mafia kiki. With a 4.7-star average rating from over 4,800 reviews on Amazon, this American Girl Doll-sized crossbow by the brand Rage is actually Amazon’s #1 bestseller in the category. As one reviewer named Whitney writes, “These are the best mechanical crossbow broadheads on the market. Very accurate and fly exactly like my field points.” 

You won’t believe how much we giggled and kicked our feet when we realized that this intricate crossbow is no bigger than the palm of our hand. Known as the BAT, the crossbow comes to us from Ballista is ideal for your Barbie’s next Hunger Games roleplay hour, or spearing fish or other small, tasty game for lunch. 

As one Amazon reviewer writes about this slick crossbow, “This thing is so fun to shoot. I have it set up in my shop with a homemade foam target board.” What a fine way to spend a Saturday night! Next up, the penis pump aisle. 

Amazon’s #2 bestselling crossbow is also one of its most visually spectacular and technically juiced. Barnett has been making crossbows since 1962, and this beast is a classic example of how it combines lightweight frames with impressive power (it shoots at 350 feet per second). As one Amazon reviewer writes, “I'm not a hunter and I don't plan to kill anything unless my life depends on it, so my primary use for this is target practice,” but another reviewer who eats the turkeys that they hunt writes that it is, “Well worth the money for my purposes.” Gobble gobble. 

You could DIY a target out of that foam core board from your 11th grade science fair project, but, eventually, you’re going to need a sturdy target worthy of your bow. Luckily, Amazon is filled with hearty sand bag, foam, and splatter paper targets for improving your game. 

May your bow always bend in your favor. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.