Well! Thank you the Swindon Advertiser for that! I have crossed my legs over one another and I am never uncrossing them again, because all I can now feel up there is the phantom papercut-like feeling of a flattened baggy being squeezed indelicately up my foreskin! I am never going to un-feel this feeling! The corners! The corners are invisibly pranging my tenderness!A MAN who hid a packet of cocaine under his foreskin while naked in the car park of Homebase has appeared in court.
HOW CAN YOU HAVE. SEVEN POINT TWO GRAMS. OF COCAINE. UP YOUR DICK.UP IT.UP YOUR DICK.I have spent a shocked hour – maybe an hour-and-a-half – on the logistics of stuffing seven grams of coke up your dick, and I have come to a few conclusions here re: stuffing seven grams of coke up your dick, and—i. I mean, I suppose point one is seven grams is a lot of cocaine to shove up your dick! I consulted with a nameless VICE employee who knows a lot more about cocaine than me (and, by extension, storage thereof) and asked him how much seven grams was, in terms of volume, and he (or she; girls love gak, too – it could be a girl) he came over with a little bobble of tissue to illustrate "one gram of coke, by volume" and then he said "this, only times seven" – i.e. bigger than a marble, smaller than a gobstopper – and we both just imagined that amount of cocaine and looked off into middle distance and imagined shoving it up our respective bellends—[The man] was shouting and making a nuisance of himself at around 8.30am on Tuesday, June 17, which prompted concerned members of the public to call police.
When officers arrived at the DIY megastore in Southampton Road, Salisbury, there was a "struggle" between the officers and the 24-year-old before he was arrested and taken to hospital.
On Tuesday at Swindon Magistrates' Court, he pleaded guilty to being in possession of 7.2 grams of cocaine on June 17.
He also faced charges of failing to surrender to bail, which he admitted.
Keith Ballinger on behalf on the Crown Prosecution Service, described how the wrap "emerged" from [his] genital.The substance was later tested and confirmed to be cocaine but in interview [he] declined to comment.