Like many children of the 90s, I found out about new music through the radio like some sort of simpleton. After the first time I heard Weezer’s “Say It Ain’t So,” I pretty much glued myself to the record button, waiting helplessly for it to come on again. Because you see, kids, back in the 90s [sits back into old man relaxing chair] you couldn’t just listen to literally any song ever recorded in the history of time while dropping a number two like you can now. You had to become radio wave slave, waiting hours or days or even weeks for a song to come on, sometimes even being so desperate as to pick up the telephone like you were Fred Goddamn Flintstone and call the DJ and beg him to play the song. (I say “him” because the 90s weren’t the forward-thinking times we live in today where women can be DJs and vote for presidents and ride horses in public and stuff.) Eventually I was able to record the song and I listened to it so many times on the bus ride to school that the cassette jammed up and I had to fix it with a pencil. Since none of those words probably even made any sense to you if you were born after 1990, here’s what I learned from the song’s video…This is the very first shot you see in this video—Rivers Cuomo looking at the camera all slack-jawed and goofy. If I’m being completely honest with you, the first time I saw this, I thought he was making fun of people with learning disabilities and I found this hilarious since, as a young teen, I did not have the socially responsible sense of humor I possess today as an adult who would never laugh at someone with a learning disability unless it was really, really funny.I know one of Weezer’s bassists died and that is really, truly tragic so I don’t want to seem insensitive. But I don’t think this is that guy, so fuck this guy. This guy is the reason my very first driver’s license looks like this:This is not a good look, asshole. Why did you make me do this to myself?(Here is me today, by the way. Very handsome.)
Look at these dudes. Check out the way they’re dressed. Tucked-in plaid shirts? Brown sweaters with stripes on them? These are the clothes your mom would force you to try on at Sears but instead you would just take them into the dressing room and play Game Boy and tell her they fit and then she’d be super pissed about having to return them later on.Looking for something totally bitchin’ to put on your guitar strap? How about a lightning bolt! Maybe you’re looking for something to spruce up that Trapper Keeper? Have you tried, oh I don't know, a lightning bolt? Maybe something to look sweet on your Jansport? Maybe consider… one of those weird S designs we all used to draw. (Sorry, backpacks are for that weird S thing only. No LBs.)Basically, two things happen in this video: They play music and they hack, and brother, I could hack back in the day. Toe catches? Jesters? Reverse headbutts? There was no limit to hackey sack tricks I could make up names for and then not perform very well.ORANGE IS THE LEAST ROCKSTAR COLORLook at this idiot who showed up wearing orange. He gets put in the background, all out of focus for the entire video. You know why? Either because he’s wearing orange or those stupid glasses or both. We'll never know because he's kept way in the back where he belongs.Coupled with my newfound hatred of the color orange, I saw this shot and immediately poured all the Sunny D in the fridge down the drain. From now on, I’d be getting my post-rocking juice in box form, thank you very much.The Style Editor made Dan Ozzi write this. Follow him on Twitter - @danozziDan also learned stuff about style from Green Day's "When I Come Around"You should definitely watch some dude try to rap battle Rivers Cuomo on the Weezer cruise.AND MORE!What I learned about style from Britney's "Work it Bitch"What I learned about style from Beyoncé's 17 VideosWhat I learned about style from Shakira's "Can't Remember to Forget You" ft. RihannaWhat I learned about style from Enrique Iglesias' "I'm a Freak" ft. PitbullWhat I learned about style from Jennifer Lopez's "Love Don't Cost a Thing"What I learned about style from Paris Hilton's "Good Time" ft. Lil WayneWhat I learned about style from Fiona Apple's "Criminal"What I learned about style from Rick Ross' "No Games" ft. FutureWhat I learned about style from Drake's "Started From The BottomWhat I learned about style from Angel Haze's "Echelon"What I learned about style from Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"What I learned about style from Aerosmith's "Crazy"What I learned about style from Mick Jagger and David Bowie's "Dancing in the StreetsWhat I learned about style from Sonic Youth's "Bull in the Heather"What I learned about style from TLC's "Creep"What I learned about style from Olivia Newton John's "Physical"What I learned about style from Missy Elliot's "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)"What I learned about style from Solange's "Lovers in the Parking Lot"
What I learned about style from MIA's "Bring The Noize"
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BE GOOFY, BUT NOT TOO GOOFY
BLEACH BLONDE HAIR IS A "GOOD" LOOK
IT'S COOL TO LET YOUR MOM BUY YOU CLOTHES AT SEARS
LIGHTNING BOLT ARE TOTALLY BITCHIN'
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HACKEY SACK IS A RAD SPORT FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T PLAY REAL SPORTS
JUICE BOXES FUEL THE FIRES OF ROCK 'N' ROLL
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What I learned about style from MIA's "Bring The Noize"