What I Learned about Style from Britney's "Work Bitch"

Britney Spears is full of questions lately. (TBH, she's never really been the sort to provide answers.) Nevertheless Brit's current queries include: "You want a hot body? You want a Bugatti? You wanna live fancy? Live in a big mansion? Party in France?" Well, yeah, Britney. Who doesn't wanna live fancy? But we all know some people just can't, right? Not so fast.

In her latest single, Britney is offering us valuable advice, and that's to "Work Bitch.” Yes, vague. But a latex leotard speaks a thousand words. Everything you need to know about ruling the club (and the world) can be found in the video for her 234th "comeback" single.

For starters, becoming a bad bitch means believing you're a bad bitch. Based on this video it also means never wearing a shirt and probably shopping at Guess and Bebe a lot. Britney is here to show us all how to give aesthetic logic the finger and steal the scene every time.

BE YOUR OWN MIRAGE
Three Britneys sit at a softly lit standalone vanity in Nevada. This was probably shot near Vegas and I'm pretty sure she’s already doing this all the time. I'm also pretty sure that if I were stranded on a desert island I would bring some Britney clones and perfume too.

ACCESSIBILITY IS SEXY
Even if you're miles from civilization, make up for lost time with zip-front everything, always. Garter straps sans stockings tell the world you take pride in being sexy, but you're still laidback. Backlighting is key. Rock your day-to-night teddy in natural light at around 5pm.

DO IT YOURSELF
Britney's been singing about the importance of independence for years and I dig the fact that there are hardly any men in this video. Just hot girls being hot. Britney whips babes and fraternizes with sharks. There's probably dust in her eyes. Her latex-clad dancer friends are definitely sweating. Check the girl on the right. Don't rely on anyone. Pull your own ponytail.

Pro tip: If it looks good in a photo, it can be translated into a dance move. Grab your butt and arch your back. Pause. Switch sides. IF YOUR OUTFIT DOESN'T MAKE THEM ASK "WHY?" YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
Eye catching colors + exposed leg + sharks = impact. This setup is excessive and probably not fun. How did Britney get on that platform? Did they row her over in a tiny boat? Or drop her from a crane? See! I'm asking questions. It's about the intrigue.

Hey Brit. Lookin' hot. But why does it look like you walked past a box of costume jewelry in magnetic shorts? BAM. Attention secured.

Then there's this look. Bustier, wide-leg slacks, and fingerless elbow-length gloves? The true working bitch outfit. The top means boobs and the pants mean business. The gloves are the wild card. The look is classic Britney and I wouldn't be surprised if there was a fedora lurking somewhere close by. But somehow I'm still confused.

This guy. So many questions. Why don't his sunglasses fit? That's kind of weird, no? Would I have paid as much attention if they did actually fit? One move like this and people will be thinking about you long after you're gone.

DRAW ATTENTION TO YOURSELF AT ALL COSTS
If all of your friends look exactly the same you will stand out. Fact.

Don't waste a good outfit on a dark bar. If your full potential isn't being recognized utilize any available light source.

Another fact: fast cars doing donuts are extremely cool. Britney would never let a basic bitch steal her shine. Neither should you. If you have the space—five acres or so is ideal—have a friend spin a few donuts around you while you dance.

Learn to slide slowly down walls. Find a Lamborghini. Dance in unexpected spaces. Work, bitch.

One of Amalia's most recent tweets stated: "Well I'm no stranger to the dessert trolley." This made us laugh. She's on Twitter - @graztifarian.

Style Stage is an ongoing partnership between Noisey & Garnier Fructis celebrating music, hair, and style.