Oh Avril, what happened? Remember when your hair was still a pure mousey brown and you wore striped ties with your Dickies as you skateboarded through malls in Ontario? Remember when you were NOT married to rock’s biggest full blown turd? (But instead pop punk’s biggest full blown turd,literally.) Memories…Those days are gone and guess what? I think it’s a good thing. When Avril pretends to be anything except exactly what she is, it just sucks. Once she got over trying to convince the world she was a “punk” who likes vegan leather and skateboards (or whatever she thought she should say,) things just got mega Mental Mary town and that’s the way I like it. I like my pop stars to be POP STARS: videos full of product placement, plastic, goofy storylines, expensive costumes, blatantly stupid concepts a.k.a a total waste of money. Welcome to America, guys! Let’s waste some mother fucking money! (See: Avril Lavigne “Rock n’ Roll” featuring Winnie of The Wonder Years, a lesbian scene, a dead dog who “licked his balls like no other” and Avril’s new Sony cellphone.)Now, hold onto your chopsticks, guys because Avril’s latest video “Hello Kitty” is PACKED with tips on how to rock on like the ultimate cute girl of style (and alleged racism, but Avril defended that so it’s all okay now. Like, totally.)
YOU DO NOT NEED GLASSES TO WEAR GLASSES
Fashion over function! Accessory over necessity! What do you think this is, a camping trip? No, it’s a god damn music video. Triple daddy dog duh! In this scene Avril is playing some kind of sexy bookworm character with her black blazer and pearl necklaces (shout out to her hubby Chad’s seed, quit killing his babies, Av and get knocked up already!) Why not complete the look with some baby blue geek frames? Totally cute! I mean, didn’t we learn this golden rule of fashion from the VICE Do’s And Don’ts in 2004?
MERGE THE VIRGIN AND THE WHORE
It’s sooooo 50s to split women into binary oppositions. We are either the virgin or the whore and we can’t be both. It’s, like, totally unfair! Avril knows this and she choses to fight these sexist imbalances in our gender divides through costume. By wearing ultra feminine strings of pearls with black latex and thigh highs she is saying, “Hey world! I’m a good girl and I’m bad! I’m a beauty and a beast! I got it all in me, world!” It’s not like Av told me this personally, but the message speaks loud and clear and politically on point, don’t you think?
ALWAYS MATCH YOUR PRODUCTS TO YOUR NAIL ART
This entire video has a theme of “bubblegum pink” which matches the cute lyrics and fun pop vibes of the whole tune. The walls are pink, the cupcakes are pink, everything! Pink, pink, pink. So, it would only make sense that Avril’s Fuji Polaroid Camera is bubblegum pink to match not only the aura of this entire song, but her jeweled nails as well. It’s important to look at yourself as a Christmas tree that must be decorated head-to-toe before you step out the door every morning. No one wants a Charlie Brown tree for a wife, now do they? No way, ladies. No f-in way.A BIG SMILE GOES A LONG WAY
I personally really like it when men on the street cat call me or tell me to look up and smile. It reminds me that my main job as a woman is to focus on my appearance and be pretty and cute and quiet so that I will be fortunate enough that someone might wife me and save me from this misery I call my independence. Avril is big on smiling, because she doesn’t really like being told what to do, so she keeps hers pasted on tight when walking around in public. A big smile goes a long way! So, when you walk through the streets of Tokyo in a black and white film, you should always wave casually and smile and occasionally shout out any Japanese words you can manage. (Having an entourage helps protect you from sudden winds that could blow up your skirt.)
AVOID SUGARY SWEETS BY WEARING THEM ALL OVER YOUR CLOTHING
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a tampon commercial, like, what women doesn’t crave chocolates and cupcakes every 10 seconds? It’s better than sex (because, as everyone knows, all straight women hate sex), but we can’t eat it every day or else we will get fat and ugly and ruin our girlish figures! Avril has taught us a really solid trick here: wear the food you crave on your outfit. That way, you get to see it and even though you are tempted to eat it, it’s a reminder that, if you do eat that cupcake, it’s going to hang on your ass, forever, just as it is doing at this very moment. Pretty genius, huh?
AND REMEMBER, YOU ARE NEVER TOO FEMININE FOR A NICE HIGH-KICK
Never! Kawaii!So next time you see Mish make sure to say: "Cheer up darlin'—life's not so bad! Smile!" Also follow her on Twitter - @myszkawayRelated:We got a lot of mileage outta this video:
Is Avril Lavigne's New Video Really the Worst Music Video of All Time?From the vaults—
What I Learned About Style From L7's "Andres"What I Learned About Style_ From Green Day's "When I Come Around"_What I Learned About Style From Weezer's "Say it Ain't So"
What I Learned About Style From Britney's "Work it Bitch"What I Learned About Style From Beyoncé's 17 VideosWhat I Learned About Style From Shakira's "Can't Remember to Forget You" ft. RihannaWhat I Learned About Style from Enrique Iglesias' "I'm a Freak" ft. PitbullWhat I Learned About Style from Jennifer Lopez's "Love Don't Cost a Thing"What I Learned About Style from Paris Hilton's "Good Time" ft. Lil WayneWhat I Learned About Style from Fiona Apple's "Criminal"What I Learned About Style from Rick Ross' "No Games" ft. FutureWhat I Learned About Style from Drake's "Started From The BottomWhat I Learned About Style From Angel Haze's "Echelon"What I Learned About Style From Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"What I Learned About Style From Aerosmith's "Crazy"What I Learned About Style From Mick Jagger and David Bowie's "Dancing in the StreetsWhat I Learned About Style From Sonic Youth's "Bull in the Heather"What I Learned About Style From TLC's "Creep"What I Learned About Style From Olivia Newton John's "Physical"What I Learned About Style Grom Missy Elliot's "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)"What I Learned About Style From Solange's "Lovers in the Parking Lot"
What I Learned About Style From MIA's "Bring The Noize"
Advertisement
Fashion over function! Accessory over necessity! What do you think this is, a camping trip? No, it’s a god damn music video. Triple daddy dog duh! In this scene Avril is playing some kind of sexy bookworm character with her black blazer and pearl necklaces (shout out to her hubby Chad’s seed, quit killing his babies, Av and get knocked up already!) Why not complete the look with some baby blue geek frames? Totally cute! I mean, didn’t we learn this golden rule of fashion from the VICE Do’s And Don’ts in 2004?
It’s sooooo 50s to split women into binary oppositions. We are either the virgin or the whore and we can’t be both. It’s, like, totally unfair! Avril knows this and she choses to fight these sexist imbalances in our gender divides through costume. By wearing ultra feminine strings of pearls with black latex and thigh highs she is saying, “Hey world! I’m a good girl and I’m bad! I’m a beauty and a beast! I got it all in me, world!” It’s not like Av told me this personally, but the message speaks loud and clear and politically on point, don’t you think?
This entire video has a theme of “bubblegum pink” which matches the cute lyrics and fun pop vibes of the whole tune. The walls are pink, the cupcakes are pink, everything! Pink, pink, pink. So, it would only make sense that Avril’s Fuji Polaroid Camera is bubblegum pink to match not only the aura of this entire song, but her jeweled nails as well. It’s important to look at yourself as a Christmas tree that must be decorated head-to-toe before you step out the door every morning. No one wants a Charlie Brown tree for a wife, now do they? No way, ladies. No f-in way.
Advertisement
I personally really like it when men on the street cat call me or tell me to look up and smile. It reminds me that my main job as a woman is to focus on my appearance and be pretty and cute and quiet so that I will be fortunate enough that someone might wife me and save me from this misery I call my independence. Avril is big on smiling, because she doesn’t really like being told what to do, so she keeps hers pasted on tight when walking around in public. A big smile goes a long way! So, when you walk through the streets of Tokyo in a black and white film, you should always wave casually and smile and occasionally shout out any Japanese words you can manage. (Having an entourage helps protect you from sudden winds that could blow up your skirt.)
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a tampon commercial, like, what women doesn’t crave chocolates and cupcakes every 10 seconds? It’s better than sex (because, as everyone knows, all straight women hate sex), but we can’t eat it every day or else we will get fat and ugly and ruin our girlish figures! Avril has taught us a really solid trick here: wear the food you crave on your outfit. That way, you get to see it and even though you are tempted to eat it, it’s a reminder that, if you do eat that cupcake, it’s going to hang on your ass, forever, just as it is doing at this very moment. Pretty genius, huh?
Advertisement
Never! Kawaii!So next time you see Mish make sure to say: "Cheer up darlin'—life's not so bad! Smile!" Also follow her on Twitter - @myszkawayRelated:We got a lot of mileage outta this video:
Is Avril Lavigne's New Video Really the Worst Music Video of All Time?From the vaults—
What I Learned About Style From L7's "Andres"What I Learned About Style_ From Green Day's "When I Come Around"_What I Learned About Style From Weezer's "Say it Ain't So"
What I Learned About Style From Britney's "Work it Bitch"What I Learned About Style From Beyoncé's 17 VideosWhat I Learned About Style From Shakira's "Can't Remember to Forget You" ft. RihannaWhat I Learned About Style from Enrique Iglesias' "I'm a Freak" ft. PitbullWhat I Learned About Style from Jennifer Lopez's "Love Don't Cost a Thing"What I Learned About Style from Paris Hilton's "Good Time" ft. Lil WayneWhat I Learned About Style from Fiona Apple's "Criminal"What I Learned About Style from Rick Ross' "No Games" ft. FutureWhat I Learned About Style from Drake's "Started From The BottomWhat I Learned About Style From Angel Haze's "Echelon"What I Learned About Style From Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"What I Learned About Style From Aerosmith's "Crazy"What I Learned About Style From Mick Jagger and David Bowie's "Dancing in the StreetsWhat I Learned About Style From Sonic Youth's "Bull in the Heather"What I Learned About Style From TLC's "Creep"What I Learned About Style From Olivia Newton John's "Physical"What I Learned About Style Grom Missy Elliot's "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)"What I Learned About Style From Solange's "Lovers in the Parking Lot"
What I Learned About Style From MIA's "Bring The Noize"